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Serpent Snacks
Izzie has been a very good serpent keeping away from temptation. Managed to slip in another “Buy Nothing Day” in the midst of some very hectic holidays. Slinked about the Lair in the afternoon indulging in sunshine and doing a bit of gardening. Even managed a feeble attempt at cooking dinner rather than going for the usual fix of bread, cheese and peanut butter. It is the peanut butter that has become a bit of a worry of late. Aside from the half blind serpent eyes now struggling to read the labels, the food labeling laws here in Oz are a complete joke. Made in Australia from ‘local and imported’ ingredients is such a meaningless load of twaddle and a bit of serious arse covering. The usual excuse spouted by the juice manufacturers in particular is that it is too expensive changing the labels throughout the year as their fruit supplies go in and out of season
Used to be rather fond of Sanitarium’s 100% peanut butter as the only guaranteed kosher source of no added salt, sugar or nasty vegetable oils in the serpent’s favorite snack. But when the little green and yellow kangaroo disappeared to be replaced by the ominous proclamation ‘Made in Australia from imported ingredients’ the alarm bells went off big time. Had been paying a premium price for purity and now the stuff had become seriously not kosher.
Then there’s been the supermarket cycle of specials. Certain things get discounted on a regular basis such as the delightfully decadent and delicious Green and Blacks organic chocolate. Their 85% bar is seriously the most delicious chocolate ever. Dark and smooth but never bitter and with a tweek of real vanilla.
But in the last few months a new and unusual pattern has emerged. Just about every other week the brand leader of peanut butter has been on offer by both supermarkets at half price or less. Kraft is crap but for half price will give it a go. It could not be worse than the appalling USA brand Skippy
This half price special thing is a rather risky tactic. So many winemakers got caught out doing heavy discounting so often that consumers began to consider the reduced price to be the normal one and then they got stuck at the lower level. The folks in Kraft are not stupid. They must be well aware of such a possible consequence
But all was revealed two weeks ago. Both partners in the evil duopoly that is Coles and Woolworths had little blank spaces on the very top shelf in the peanut butter segment. This is the shelf that no one bothers with. The more lucrative and profitable spots are saved for eye level for either their own brands or the company that pays the most for the shelf space.
Half of the shelves with the best real estate are taken up by Kraft in its assorted incarnations with the cheap and nasty ‘made in China’ home brands bringing up the rear
The empty spot on the top belonged to poor old Dick Smith. He used to get his stuff made by Sanitarium but now we know this is no longer the case.
The little note said that due to the recent floods and storms Queensland peanuts were in short supply and that this product was therefore unavailable for the present
Suddenly the penny dropped and everything made sense. The Dick Smith stuff is marketed specifically as being Australian made and grown. Kraft, Sanitarium and the assorted home brands are not.
Kraft can afford to sell their stuff at half price because they have outsourced their supply to China. Sanitarium has done the same too but are still living off their past reputation. They are still supplying Coles with their more upmarket home brand because Coles does not give a rat’s arse about where their stuff comes from
It is just as well that Australia is a huge producer of oats because nothing is safe from the Chinese invasion these days. Keeping fingers crossed that the home grown garlic will get beyond tasty green shoots this time. So desperate for some bulbs to set as local garlic is not only expensive but increasingly difficult to get
But even good old fashioned porridge is not safe from the evil clutches of the spin doctors. Damn Uncle Toby and his ridiculous marketing spin.
The introduction of unit pricing has made life lots easier and visits to the supermarket have become so much more entertaining. The sneaky tricks of 375g, 750g and 900g packages are not as effective as they used to be in curtailing the inner goblin instinct. Izzie had always converted to the kilo price even before it became law.
In the good old days there used to be half kilo and kilo packets of rolled oats or instant oats and there were two or three main brands plus the assorted cheapies on the very bottom shelf. Most of the shelf space was devoted to cornflakes, nutrigrain, froot loops, rice bubbles and other sugar infested monstrosities. Old fashioned stodgy oats were well and truly the Cinderella of the cereal aisle stuck at the far end away from all the serious action.
Now there are 375g and 500g packets filled with individual sachets and silly flavours such as apple and almond, blueberry or honey. There are even those ridiculous ‘cup of noodle’ plastic containers of oats where you just add hot water. No longer stuck in the corner, they have now moved to the prime real estate at the end of the aisles and are seemingly inescapable
These packaging gurus have turned what used to be a cheap, filling, tasty and very nutritious breakfast regarded as ‘poor people’s food into a decadent yuppie luxury. Now instead of paying between 2 and 3 silver sickles per kilo the silly flavour sachets in the brown ‘ Be Natural’ beige and green recycled looking box clock up at a ridiculous $17 plus per kilo. Between 10 and 12 per kilo for all this overpackaged sugar filled crap seems to be the going rate but the prize has to go to the cup a soup plastic container with 30 something grams of instant oats and assorted flavours. This clocks up at the princely sum of 50 silver sickles per kilo. Fillet steak prices for the cheapest of grains.
So Izzie’s kilo packet of biodynamically grown oats from Kojonup at six silver sickles for the packet looks positively cheap in comparison. It is cheaper sold loose but then you can never really be sure that some nasty Uncle Toby changeling hasn’t found its way into the bulk bins.
Soaked overnight in water and then brought to the boil with added milk takes no longer than those nasty powdery instant oats.
A distant cousin to these infernal creatures reside in the aisle that Izzie rarely ever darkens - the infamous breakfast bars, muesli bars and school lunch box treats.
Uncle Vernon however is big into this sugar fix and usually has a box or two lurking in the pantry or fridge at Privet Drive. The odd occasion of tasting one of these toxic lumps could almost feel the serpent fangs melting with the sugar overload. How can people even eat this shit? And it’s not like it is even cheap. Once again ‘Be Natural” are the biggest offenders with their silly happy hippie green recycled image.
The latest addition to this strange range of excuses for food are the new breakfast ‘biscuits’ marketed as an alternative to breakfast. For once they are not made in China but does a major grain exporter such as Australia seriously need to be importing wheat and oat biscuits from Croatia or the Czech republic?
It is a strange thing indeed to find sugar quite disgusting in its various incarnations (real chocolate and liquorice excluded) since most of the human species get seriously shit faced on the stuff. Casein is Izzie’s drug of choice. There is one single solitary item on the supermarket shelf from hell that the serpent will sneak into the Lair - only when it is half price of course - those strange blue boxes with silver or gold foil that do not even need to be refrigerated. They are the bright, shiny smooth and somewhat salty blocks of processed ‘cheese’
But the one thing on the supermarket shelves that makes all this junk look perfectly sensible are those pathetic plastic bottles of water. Not the distilled stuff you put in your steam iron so that it does not rust but plain boring old drinking water.
Why do people drink the stuff when it doesn’t even have bubbles and you can get a thousand litres of perfectly decent drinking water delivered to your tap for less than half the price of a mere litre of this plastic stagnant muck?
There’s no refunds on the plastic bottles so they end up in the bin or strewn all over the streets and beaches.
Giggled with amusement at the Mount Franklin stuff from the eastern states provided by the same folks that gave us the corn syrup confection known as Coca Cola. Then there is Fiji Water and the ridiculous yuppie Norwegian stuff in the designer glass and metal bottle that costs more than a bottle of decent red wine.
Even the supermarkets have jumped on the band wagon with their own brands which are probably straight out of the tap.
They all loudly proclaim their green credentials if not in the name then a whole bunch of ticks, pictures of frogs or associations with environmental causes.
But the best ever and seemingly the new kid on the block has recently made an appearance at the local supermarket. There was a huge pile of these blue plastic bottles at the end of one of the centre aisles in one of the best spots of real estate in the whole store.
The brand name was Masafi and it pictured a fern and all sorts of intriguing details about some ancient source of spring water, nature’s gift and the usual spin. Oh and of course the plastic bottle was recyclable (but no refundable deposit as proof of genuine green credentials)
But the killer was the small print. Had guessed at New Zealand, Nauru or some other cash strapped Pacific Island. Not at all. Izzie was not fooled by the ominous initials U.A.E. In fact they were the source of much glee and hysterical cackling. You know the world is gone stark raving mad when the Arabs are exporting water to the rest of the world. Proof positive that the oil must be really running out.
They will be selling us ice cubes next.
Just been googling this strange brew only to discover that the company has been at the centre of assorted scandals and recalls of its bottles due to high levels of bromates. Looks like the recall centre has turned out to be the local IGA supermarket in this far flung corner of Oz.
But they have just unveiled a new marketing campaign so we can all sip safely knowing that the spin doctors are strutting their stuff.
The 'Drink Natural' campaign, which runs till June 30, 2012, is focused on the 100% natural freshness of Masafi mineral water, reinforcing its core message through a slogan - 'Naturally Natural'.
The campaign communicates the natural attributes of Masafi mineral water, which has been executed with an emotional touch, effortlessly reflecting human's oneness with nature.
Izzie can sniff the source of a juicy story a mile away and this is the sort of stuff you could not make up. Even a visit to the supermarket can provide hours of inspiration
Used to be rather fond of Sanitarium’s 100% peanut butter as the only guaranteed kosher source of no added salt, sugar or nasty vegetable oils in the serpent’s favorite snack. But when the little green and yellow kangaroo disappeared to be replaced by the ominous proclamation ‘Made in Australia from imported ingredients’ the alarm bells went off big time. Had been paying a premium price for purity and now the stuff had become seriously not kosher.
Then there’s been the supermarket cycle of specials. Certain things get discounted on a regular basis such as the delightfully decadent and delicious Green and Blacks organic chocolate. Their 85% bar is seriously the most delicious chocolate ever. Dark and smooth but never bitter and with a tweek of real vanilla.
But in the last few months a new and unusual pattern has emerged. Just about every other week the brand leader of peanut butter has been on offer by both supermarkets at half price or less. Kraft is crap but for half price will give it a go. It could not be worse than the appalling USA brand Skippy
This half price special thing is a rather risky tactic. So many winemakers got caught out doing heavy discounting so often that consumers began to consider the reduced price to be the normal one and then they got stuck at the lower level. The folks in Kraft are not stupid. They must be well aware of such a possible consequence
But all was revealed two weeks ago. Both partners in the evil duopoly that is Coles and Woolworths had little blank spaces on the very top shelf in the peanut butter segment. This is the shelf that no one bothers with. The more lucrative and profitable spots are saved for eye level for either their own brands or the company that pays the most for the shelf space.
Half of the shelves with the best real estate are taken up by Kraft in its assorted incarnations with the cheap and nasty ‘made in China’ home brands bringing up the rear
The empty spot on the top belonged to poor old Dick Smith. He used to get his stuff made by Sanitarium but now we know this is no longer the case.
The little note said that due to the recent floods and storms Queensland peanuts were in short supply and that this product was therefore unavailable for the present
Suddenly the penny dropped and everything made sense. The Dick Smith stuff is marketed specifically as being Australian made and grown. Kraft, Sanitarium and the assorted home brands are not.
Kraft can afford to sell their stuff at half price because they have outsourced their supply to China. Sanitarium has done the same too but are still living off their past reputation. They are still supplying Coles with their more upmarket home brand because Coles does not give a rat’s arse about where their stuff comes from
It is just as well that Australia is a huge producer of oats because nothing is safe from the Chinese invasion these days. Keeping fingers crossed that the home grown garlic will get beyond tasty green shoots this time. So desperate for some bulbs to set as local garlic is not only expensive but increasingly difficult to get
But even good old fashioned porridge is not safe from the evil clutches of the spin doctors. Damn Uncle Toby and his ridiculous marketing spin.
The introduction of unit pricing has made life lots easier and visits to the supermarket have become so much more entertaining. The sneaky tricks of 375g, 750g and 900g packages are not as effective as they used to be in curtailing the inner goblin instinct. Izzie had always converted to the kilo price even before it became law.
In the good old days there used to be half kilo and kilo packets of rolled oats or instant oats and there were two or three main brands plus the assorted cheapies on the very bottom shelf. Most of the shelf space was devoted to cornflakes, nutrigrain, froot loops, rice bubbles and other sugar infested monstrosities. Old fashioned stodgy oats were well and truly the Cinderella of the cereal aisle stuck at the far end away from all the serious action.
Now there are 375g and 500g packets filled with individual sachets and silly flavours such as apple and almond, blueberry or honey. There are even those ridiculous ‘cup of noodle’ plastic containers of oats where you just add hot water. No longer stuck in the corner, they have now moved to the prime real estate at the end of the aisles and are seemingly inescapable
These packaging gurus have turned what used to be a cheap, filling, tasty and very nutritious breakfast regarded as ‘poor people’s food into a decadent yuppie luxury. Now instead of paying between 2 and 3 silver sickles per kilo the silly flavour sachets in the brown ‘ Be Natural’ beige and green recycled looking box clock up at a ridiculous $17 plus per kilo. Between 10 and 12 per kilo for all this overpackaged sugar filled crap seems to be the going rate but the prize has to go to the cup a soup plastic container with 30 something grams of instant oats and assorted flavours. This clocks up at the princely sum of 50 silver sickles per kilo. Fillet steak prices for the cheapest of grains.
So Izzie’s kilo packet of biodynamically grown oats from Kojonup at six silver sickles for the packet looks positively cheap in comparison. It is cheaper sold loose but then you can never really be sure that some nasty Uncle Toby changeling hasn’t found its way into the bulk bins.
Soaked overnight in water and then brought to the boil with added milk takes no longer than those nasty powdery instant oats.
A distant cousin to these infernal creatures reside in the aisle that Izzie rarely ever darkens - the infamous breakfast bars, muesli bars and school lunch box treats.
Uncle Vernon however is big into this sugar fix and usually has a box or two lurking in the pantry or fridge at Privet Drive. The odd occasion of tasting one of these toxic lumps could almost feel the serpent fangs melting with the sugar overload. How can people even eat this shit? And it’s not like it is even cheap. Once again ‘Be Natural” are the biggest offenders with their silly happy hippie green recycled image.
The latest addition to this strange range of excuses for food are the new breakfast ‘biscuits’ marketed as an alternative to breakfast. For once they are not made in China but does a major grain exporter such as Australia seriously need to be importing wheat and oat biscuits from Croatia or the Czech republic?
It is a strange thing indeed to find sugar quite disgusting in its various incarnations (real chocolate and liquorice excluded) since most of the human species get seriously shit faced on the stuff. Casein is Izzie’s drug of choice. There is one single solitary item on the supermarket shelf from hell that the serpent will sneak into the Lair - only when it is half price of course - those strange blue boxes with silver or gold foil that do not even need to be refrigerated. They are the bright, shiny smooth and somewhat salty blocks of processed ‘cheese’
But the one thing on the supermarket shelves that makes all this junk look perfectly sensible are those pathetic plastic bottles of water. Not the distilled stuff you put in your steam iron so that it does not rust but plain boring old drinking water.
Why do people drink the stuff when it doesn’t even have bubbles and you can get a thousand litres of perfectly decent drinking water delivered to your tap for less than half the price of a mere litre of this plastic stagnant muck?
There’s no refunds on the plastic bottles so they end up in the bin or strewn all over the streets and beaches.
Giggled with amusement at the Mount Franklin stuff from the eastern states provided by the same folks that gave us the corn syrup confection known as Coca Cola. Then there is Fiji Water and the ridiculous yuppie Norwegian stuff in the designer glass and metal bottle that costs more than a bottle of decent red wine.
Even the supermarkets have jumped on the band wagon with their own brands which are probably straight out of the tap.
They all loudly proclaim their green credentials if not in the name then a whole bunch of ticks, pictures of frogs or associations with environmental causes.
But the best ever and seemingly the new kid on the block has recently made an appearance at the local supermarket. There was a huge pile of these blue plastic bottles at the end of one of the centre aisles in one of the best spots of real estate in the whole store.
The brand name was Masafi and it pictured a fern and all sorts of intriguing details about some ancient source of spring water, nature’s gift and the usual spin. Oh and of course the plastic bottle was recyclable (but no refundable deposit as proof of genuine green credentials)
But the killer was the small print. Had guessed at New Zealand, Nauru or some other cash strapped Pacific Island. Not at all. Izzie was not fooled by the ominous initials U.A.E. In fact they were the source of much glee and hysterical cackling. You know the world is gone stark raving mad when the Arabs are exporting water to the rest of the world. Proof positive that the oil must be really running out.
They will be selling us ice cubes next.
Just been googling this strange brew only to discover that the company has been at the centre of assorted scandals and recalls of its bottles due to high levels of bromates. Looks like the recall centre has turned out to be the local IGA supermarket in this far flung corner of Oz.
But they have just unveiled a new marketing campaign so we can all sip safely knowing that the spin doctors are strutting their stuff.
The 'Drink Natural' campaign, which runs till June 30, 2012, is focused on the 100% natural freshness of Masafi mineral water, reinforcing its core message through a slogan - 'Naturally Natural'.
The campaign communicates the natural attributes of Masafi mineral water, which has been executed with an emotional touch, effortlessly reflecting human's oneness with nature.
Izzie can sniff the source of a juicy story a mile away and this is the sort of stuff you could not make up. Even a visit to the supermarket can provide hours of inspiration