The End Times
30/12/2019 08:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
izmeinaThe End of Days
It’s time once again for the annual nostalgia fest for the year.
1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
Went to an antique auction. It was the only opportunity I had to rescue any of my mother’s stuff including her nursing service medals which were of great sentimental value to her children but of little monetary worth. But with the Grinch, the cruelty is the point
Had my day in Court. After a particularly pathetic week of drama after my return from Eden Vale, the Grinch pushed his luck just a bit too far. I applied for a restraining order and the court granted it.
Visited a shrink. My doctor had suggested grief counseling a month after Petunia died but I declined thinking that I would be able to cope. But that was before reckoning with the walking talking toxic pot of polonium tea that is Vernon Dursley
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. I prefer to adopt new habits and add new ones as the old ones go on autopilot.
Unfortunately, some habits that I thought were well and truly established fell by the wayside when the shit hit the fan. So I will try to get back into my old routines again
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year. Thank God.
5. What countries did you visit?
Cyberia
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
A green and growing garden
An uncluttered, neat and orderly house with a place for everything and everything in its place
7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
25th January The Grinch rang to gloat. His voice was dripping in venom and he proclaimed that the removal people from the Auction had taken Petunia’s cauldrons and kettles that I had asked to keep and he had agreed that I could have them.
He also added they had brought a big skip to throw stuff in that could not be sold at the auction and would be doing the giant clean out on Wednesday. So if I wanted the family photo albums I would have to come over there to get them before they all got tossed out.
18th February - the Polonium Papers
The hate fest phone call concerning the family photo albums was absolutely the last straw. I had written one of those Dear John letters that you pen not to send but to vent.
I decided that was no longer an option so I printed a copy, put it in a folder and handed it to Vernon Dursley in person. With Dudley as a witness
3rd March the Auction
Anything and everything of monetary value from my mother’s possessions had been packed off and sent to be auctioned. Including some things of great sentimental but very little material value such as her nursing service medals. He had never even bothered to offer them to any of her children.
I set a budget, made a list and checked it twice. I set an upper bidding limit for everything because Auction Fever really is a thing. And even as a Vulcan Librarian, I was not going to take chances.
Most of the things I wanted such as the Bunnykins china set and my sister’s music box (filthy Grinch had sent off stuff that was not even his) went over my price limit but items that I could not even dream of ever owning went so low that I simply could not let them pass out of the family’s hands. I did get the medals.
15 March - the Christchurch jerk
A low life Australian guttersnipe whining about Muslim invaders became an invader himself. He went to a foreign country and imposed his nihilistic nut job values on them by gunning down 50 people who were praying at 2 mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand and broadcast the whole disgusting thing live.
11 November - the Grinch Divorce
After a particularly pathetic pity party the previous week, I had finally reached the end of my tether. I had given him the Dear John letter in February, he came around stalking in May and I told him again that I wanted nothing more to do with him.
After my Halloween trip down south, I discovered that he had gone to my workplace asking about my whereabouts and had reported me to the police as missing for 5 days. I went nuclear and got granted a restraining order against him and had to go to the District Court to get it.
19th December - live impeachment proceedings
I stayed up until ungodly hours watching live testimony from the first week of witnesses. I got to see the US Ambassador to Ukraine - Bill Taylor and his cute side kick Mr Holmes who looked like he came straight from the set of “Fantastic Beasts and where to find them”
Also Colonel Vindman, Fiona Hill and the star of the shit show for all the wrong reasons - Mr “Pay for Play” Gordon Sondland. Unfortunately a sleep deficit acquired from all this late night viewing meant that I was simply unable to stay awake to watch former Ambassador Marie Yovanovich
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Staying alive.
The Polonium Papers - this is the unofficial title that I gave to the letter I wrote and gave to the Grinch in person back in February this year.
It’s a sort of serpent version of the six page “Airing of grievances” letter that Dodgy Don gave to Nancy Pelosi around the time of the impeachment proceedings.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being sufficiently assertive. Especially when dealing with Dursleys and dodgy Job Mobsters
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Last December and this January I started getting attacks of nausea that would last 6 to 8 hours and sometimes even longer. I had my suspicions about the cause but wanted to eliminate other sinister possibilities so had an assortment of tests to rule out cancer.
I had noticed that these instances nearly always occurred after any contact with the Grinch even a mere phone call.
Daisy Dursley said that he is toxic from even ten thousand miles away.
In May I injured my left arm. I don’t even know how it happened. I just woke up one Sunday morning and it was really painful to move especially above my shoulder.
This made shelving books and doing gardening quite painful and difficult.
It took about 6 weeks before it finally healed of its own accord. I still don’t know what was the cause.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Normally the annual zoo membership and subscription to the Washington Post are top of the list but this year it was the Victorian mahogany side board that I bought at the antique auction in March.
It was one of the many things from my mother’s house and is of special significance because whenever I visited her at Privet Drive, one of her favourite spots in the house was at the dining room table and this side board used to be right behind her. So they almost came together like a package
I now use it for the same things she did. Christmas decorations and the family photo albums especially.
Lots of fabulous fringe shows.
Among the highlights were “Bang bang” a cabaret show based on the music and movies of Quentin Tarantino
Worship - another burlesque cabaret kind of show but with a very definite element of religious ritual. So impressive and spooky that I went back for seconds and I have already booked a ticket for the sequel next year. If only Church were this good
A Midnight Visit - a haunted house ghost tour on steroids. A very spooky old Girls School was resurrected and converted into a giant homage to Edgar Allen Poe.
Spooky rooms from scenes in the books - especially the hospital wing and the Evermore Funeral Parlour - and wandering actors playing characters from the story.
12. Where did most of your money go?
The ant man and his minions got far more than their fair share. Termites can eat your house and come back for seconds if you don’t keep them under control. This year was the time for the major treatment which has to be done every 8 years. This was by far the largest single expense.
Bills, buses, coffee and pots of earl grey tea and a ridiculous amount on culture vulture events at the Fringe Festival
And books. Lots of books. I work in 2 different charity shops so I can get some amazing stuff for a fraction of the book shop price.
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Fringe Festival especially two shows
Worship - a spooky hour of devotion to the surreal, celestial and the sensual
A Midnight Visit - a haunted house on steroids devoted to the life and art of Edgar Allan Poe.
14. What song will always remind you of 2019?
I simply cannot think of one
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Older or wiser?
Obviously older and hopefully wiser too
Thinner or fatter?
Still fat but a bit less so
Richer or poorer?
About the same. Working in an op shop means that even if you don’t have much money, it goes a lot further. I never buy clothes, home wares, music or books new anymore
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Being in the Green Zone.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being cranky and neurotic. Hoarding and other crazy irrational behaviour. Needing to find sneaky ways to get around this stuff
18. How did you spend Christmas?
My original plan was to pack a picnic and go to the graveyard to spend the day with Petunia but the weather forecast of 38 celsius put an end to that. I went there Christmas Eve instead.
At the Lair doing End of Year quizzes. Wrapping presents for the neighbours, watering the weeds and sorting out stuff.
19. Did you fall in love in 2019?
What is love?
20. What was your favorite TV program?
I don’t have a television but I used to like Gardening Australia and The Gruen Transfer - a program about the dark art of advertising.
21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Most folks on my Hate List have been there since early 2016 and include most of the revolving door White House staff of Don the Con
Some names that come to mind - VP Mike Pence, Betsy De Vos and Pompeo and creepy Kelly Anne Conway
Newbies include Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes who made such sad spectacles of themselves with their ranting, raving, bullying and other pathetic behaviour at the recent impeachment proceedings.
As for Rudy Colludy Giuliani, I cannot quite decide whether I hate his wacky ranting and meddling and peddling of the craziest conspiracy theories or if I love that nearly every time he opens his mouth he incriminates himself and his mob boss with the stupid.
Foot in mouth disease on steroids.
22. What was the best book you read?
It has to be Vita Nostra. On the surface it sounds like just another Potter knock off with the magical school in the middle of nowhere and all that. But in reality it is a giant festival of mind fuckery. It certainly helped that I started reading it in the sort of town that could very well have such a school hiding in the hills with a spooky abandoned train station followed by a return to normality often spent in a suburb with an abundance of ugly Stalinist style brutalist architecture.
And control and gas lighting galore abound in this fiendish twisted tale and many thanks to the Cat for corrupting me with its evil influence. It also made me nostalgic for some of the books that would not be out of place on the shelves. Especially “Godel, Escher, Bach - an Eternal Golden Braid” and many of the strange tales of Anthony De Mello
23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I have been so busy with the podcast “Russia, if you’re listening.” That I haven’t been paying much attention to music lately
24. What did you want and get?
An official divorce from Vernon Dursley
25. What did you want and not get?
A paid job
26. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think I only went to 2 movies this year. One was “Official Secrets” and the other was “Mr Jones” which is one of the spookiest most understated films that I have seen in ages.
It is about a journalist who went to Moscow on a mission to follow the money. He was wondering how Stalin could afford to buy so much stuff from Britain when the country seemed to be going broke. The problem was that Stalin kept tabs on journalists and they were not permitted to travel anywhere outside of Moscow. Most were happy to tow the Party line but Mr Jones was not.
Strange how all roads these days lead to Ukraine.
27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had a wonderful weekend in Eden Vale pottering around smelling the roses, plotting and planning for assorted nano adventures and reading spooky stories
28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not waiting so long to get the Dursley divorce
29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
Fashion is an alien concept to this slobbish serpent. But we are rather partial to green hats and baggy blouses to hide all the blubber
30. What kept you sane?
Sane - Izzie sane? Never ever?
31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Fancy is not quite the right word but I was inspired by Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren both of whom are serious Goblin hunters. Following the money is the best game in town and they are both on to it. Pity that Kamala Harris had to drop out of the race due to lack of funds while Mr Bloomberg who has nothing going for him but bags of the stuff gets to stay in.
32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Cardinal Pell - assorted court cases and other drama. I was pretty peeved that they charged him with actual sex abuse offences rather than covering up such abuse done by pedophile priests since that would have been so much easier to prove beyond all reasonable doubt not least because there would have been more than just one witness for the prosecution.
Mr Robert Mueller and his report which got white washed and swept under the carpet by the evil genius AG Bill Barr
The whistle blower. This story blew some time in August and it was fun speculating which foreign leader and which phone call was the subject of the complaint especially as Scomo had been invited to Washington at the time and there was just a whiff of brown nosing and quid pro quo concerning the loony leftist Never Trumper Australian Spy known as Alexander Downer and his boozy meetings with George Pappadopolous
Then there were the impeachment hearings. I managed to watch most of the juicy ones live - especially Gordon Sondland, Colonel Vindman and Fiona Hill.
33. Who did you miss?
It’s nearly 2 years now but it’s still Petunia - my old partner in crime, weed and wine worship
34. Who was the best new person you met?
I don’t get out much these days
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:
When faced with a difficult or scary choice, choose the option that preserves or increases your integrity and self respect.
Because acting out of fear just weakens you and the fear does not go away but has babies who then torment you too.
Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed
Aside from several encounters with Dementors, most of the really awful days all had in common that they'd been the object of much anticipation and expectation. Most of the misery was due to sizzling hot or icky sticky weather which made original plans difficult or plain damned uncomfortable.
On the other hand, some days which carried no expectations at all turned out to be the most wonderful and memorable of all the year.
And the other big one - never ever underestimate the power of the reptilian brain. Not the wise and playful inner serpent but that miserable irrational paranoid creature that goes into survival mode at the slightest provocation even when there is no actual danger.
It’s time once again for the annual nostalgia fest for the year.
1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
Went to an antique auction. It was the only opportunity I had to rescue any of my mother’s stuff including her nursing service medals which were of great sentimental value to her children but of little monetary worth. But with the Grinch, the cruelty is the point
Had my day in Court. After a particularly pathetic week of drama after my return from Eden Vale, the Grinch pushed his luck just a bit too far. I applied for a restraining order and the court granted it.
Visited a shrink. My doctor had suggested grief counseling a month after Petunia died but I declined thinking that I would be able to cope. But that was before reckoning with the walking talking toxic pot of polonium tea that is Vernon Dursley
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. I prefer to adopt new habits and add new ones as the old ones go on autopilot.
Unfortunately, some habits that I thought were well and truly established fell by the wayside when the shit hit the fan. So I will try to get back into my old routines again
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year. Thank God.
5. What countries did you visit?
Cyberia
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
A green and growing garden
An uncluttered, neat and orderly house with a place for everything and everything in its place
7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
25th January The Grinch rang to gloat. His voice was dripping in venom and he proclaimed that the removal people from the Auction had taken Petunia’s cauldrons and kettles that I had asked to keep and he had agreed that I could have them.
He also added they had brought a big skip to throw stuff in that could not be sold at the auction and would be doing the giant clean out on Wednesday. So if I wanted the family photo albums I would have to come over there to get them before they all got tossed out.
18th February - the Polonium Papers
The hate fest phone call concerning the family photo albums was absolutely the last straw. I had written one of those Dear John letters that you pen not to send but to vent.
I decided that was no longer an option so I printed a copy, put it in a folder and handed it to Vernon Dursley in person. With Dudley as a witness
3rd March the Auction
Anything and everything of monetary value from my mother’s possessions had been packed off and sent to be auctioned. Including some things of great sentimental but very little material value such as her nursing service medals. He had never even bothered to offer them to any of her children.
I set a budget, made a list and checked it twice. I set an upper bidding limit for everything because Auction Fever really is a thing. And even as a Vulcan Librarian, I was not going to take chances.
Most of the things I wanted such as the Bunnykins china set and my sister’s music box (filthy Grinch had sent off stuff that was not even his) went over my price limit but items that I could not even dream of ever owning went so low that I simply could not let them pass out of the family’s hands. I did get the medals.
15 March - the Christchurch jerk
A low life Australian guttersnipe whining about Muslim invaders became an invader himself. He went to a foreign country and imposed his nihilistic nut job values on them by gunning down 50 people who were praying at 2 mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand and broadcast the whole disgusting thing live.
11 November - the Grinch Divorce
After a particularly pathetic pity party the previous week, I had finally reached the end of my tether. I had given him the Dear John letter in February, he came around stalking in May and I told him again that I wanted nothing more to do with him.
After my Halloween trip down south, I discovered that he had gone to my workplace asking about my whereabouts and had reported me to the police as missing for 5 days. I went nuclear and got granted a restraining order against him and had to go to the District Court to get it.
19th December - live impeachment proceedings
I stayed up until ungodly hours watching live testimony from the first week of witnesses. I got to see the US Ambassador to Ukraine - Bill Taylor and his cute side kick Mr Holmes who looked like he came straight from the set of “Fantastic Beasts and where to find them”
Also Colonel Vindman, Fiona Hill and the star of the shit show for all the wrong reasons - Mr “Pay for Play” Gordon Sondland. Unfortunately a sleep deficit acquired from all this late night viewing meant that I was simply unable to stay awake to watch former Ambassador Marie Yovanovich
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Staying alive.
The Polonium Papers - this is the unofficial title that I gave to the letter I wrote and gave to the Grinch in person back in February this year.
It’s a sort of serpent version of the six page “Airing of grievances” letter that Dodgy Don gave to Nancy Pelosi around the time of the impeachment proceedings.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being sufficiently assertive. Especially when dealing with Dursleys and dodgy Job Mobsters
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Last December and this January I started getting attacks of nausea that would last 6 to 8 hours and sometimes even longer. I had my suspicions about the cause but wanted to eliminate other sinister possibilities so had an assortment of tests to rule out cancer.
I had noticed that these instances nearly always occurred after any contact with the Grinch even a mere phone call.
Daisy Dursley said that he is toxic from even ten thousand miles away.
In May I injured my left arm. I don’t even know how it happened. I just woke up one Sunday morning and it was really painful to move especially above my shoulder.
This made shelving books and doing gardening quite painful and difficult.
It took about 6 weeks before it finally healed of its own accord. I still don’t know what was the cause.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Normally the annual zoo membership and subscription to the Washington Post are top of the list but this year it was the Victorian mahogany side board that I bought at the antique auction in March.
It was one of the many things from my mother’s house and is of special significance because whenever I visited her at Privet Drive, one of her favourite spots in the house was at the dining room table and this side board used to be right behind her. So they almost came together like a package
I now use it for the same things she did. Christmas decorations and the family photo albums especially.
Lots of fabulous fringe shows.
Among the highlights were “Bang bang” a cabaret show based on the music and movies of Quentin Tarantino
Worship - another burlesque cabaret kind of show but with a very definite element of religious ritual. So impressive and spooky that I went back for seconds and I have already booked a ticket for the sequel next year. If only Church were this good
A Midnight Visit - a haunted house ghost tour on steroids. A very spooky old Girls School was resurrected and converted into a giant homage to Edgar Allen Poe.
Spooky rooms from scenes in the books - especially the hospital wing and the Evermore Funeral Parlour - and wandering actors playing characters from the story.
12. Where did most of your money go?
The ant man and his minions got far more than their fair share. Termites can eat your house and come back for seconds if you don’t keep them under control. This year was the time for the major treatment which has to be done every 8 years. This was by far the largest single expense.
Bills, buses, coffee and pots of earl grey tea and a ridiculous amount on culture vulture events at the Fringe Festival
And books. Lots of books. I work in 2 different charity shops so I can get some amazing stuff for a fraction of the book shop price.
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Fringe Festival especially two shows
Worship - a spooky hour of devotion to the surreal, celestial and the sensual
A Midnight Visit - a haunted house on steroids devoted to the life and art of Edgar Allan Poe.
14. What song will always remind you of 2019?
I simply cannot think of one
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Older or wiser?
Obviously older and hopefully wiser too
Thinner or fatter?
Still fat but a bit less so
Richer or poorer?
About the same. Working in an op shop means that even if you don’t have much money, it goes a lot further. I never buy clothes, home wares, music or books new anymore
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Being in the Green Zone.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being cranky and neurotic. Hoarding and other crazy irrational behaviour. Needing to find sneaky ways to get around this stuff
18. How did you spend Christmas?
My original plan was to pack a picnic and go to the graveyard to spend the day with Petunia but the weather forecast of 38 celsius put an end to that. I went there Christmas Eve instead.
At the Lair doing End of Year quizzes. Wrapping presents for the neighbours, watering the weeds and sorting out stuff.
19. Did you fall in love in 2019?
What is love?
20. What was your favorite TV program?
I don’t have a television but I used to like Gardening Australia and The Gruen Transfer - a program about the dark art of advertising.
21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Most folks on my Hate List have been there since early 2016 and include most of the revolving door White House staff of Don the Con
Some names that come to mind - VP Mike Pence, Betsy De Vos and Pompeo and creepy Kelly Anne Conway
Newbies include Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes who made such sad spectacles of themselves with their ranting, raving, bullying and other pathetic behaviour at the recent impeachment proceedings.
As for Rudy Colludy Giuliani, I cannot quite decide whether I hate his wacky ranting and meddling and peddling of the craziest conspiracy theories or if I love that nearly every time he opens his mouth he incriminates himself and his mob boss with the stupid.
Foot in mouth disease on steroids.
22. What was the best book you read?
It has to be Vita Nostra. On the surface it sounds like just another Potter knock off with the magical school in the middle of nowhere and all that. But in reality it is a giant festival of mind fuckery. It certainly helped that I started reading it in the sort of town that could very well have such a school hiding in the hills with a spooky abandoned train station followed by a return to normality often spent in a suburb with an abundance of ugly Stalinist style brutalist architecture.
And control and gas lighting galore abound in this fiendish twisted tale and many thanks to the Cat for corrupting me with its evil influence. It also made me nostalgic for some of the books that would not be out of place on the shelves. Especially “Godel, Escher, Bach - an Eternal Golden Braid” and many of the strange tales of Anthony De Mello
23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I have been so busy with the podcast “Russia, if you’re listening.” That I haven’t been paying much attention to music lately
24. What did you want and get?
An official divorce from Vernon Dursley
25. What did you want and not get?
A paid job
26. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think I only went to 2 movies this year. One was “Official Secrets” and the other was “Mr Jones” which is one of the spookiest most understated films that I have seen in ages.
It is about a journalist who went to Moscow on a mission to follow the money. He was wondering how Stalin could afford to buy so much stuff from Britain when the country seemed to be going broke. The problem was that Stalin kept tabs on journalists and they were not permitted to travel anywhere outside of Moscow. Most were happy to tow the Party line but Mr Jones was not.
Strange how all roads these days lead to Ukraine.
27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had a wonderful weekend in Eden Vale pottering around smelling the roses, plotting and planning for assorted nano adventures and reading spooky stories
28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not waiting so long to get the Dursley divorce
29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
Fashion is an alien concept to this slobbish serpent. But we are rather partial to green hats and baggy blouses to hide all the blubber
30. What kept you sane?
Sane - Izzie sane? Never ever?
31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Fancy is not quite the right word but I was inspired by Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren both of whom are serious Goblin hunters. Following the money is the best game in town and they are both on to it. Pity that Kamala Harris had to drop out of the race due to lack of funds while Mr Bloomberg who has nothing going for him but bags of the stuff gets to stay in.
32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Cardinal Pell - assorted court cases and other drama. I was pretty peeved that they charged him with actual sex abuse offences rather than covering up such abuse done by pedophile priests since that would have been so much easier to prove beyond all reasonable doubt not least because there would have been more than just one witness for the prosecution.
Mr Robert Mueller and his report which got white washed and swept under the carpet by the evil genius AG Bill Barr
The whistle blower. This story blew some time in August and it was fun speculating which foreign leader and which phone call was the subject of the complaint especially as Scomo had been invited to Washington at the time and there was just a whiff of brown nosing and quid pro quo concerning the loony leftist Never Trumper Australian Spy known as Alexander Downer and his boozy meetings with George Pappadopolous
Then there were the impeachment hearings. I managed to watch most of the juicy ones live - especially Gordon Sondland, Colonel Vindman and Fiona Hill.
33. Who did you miss?
It’s nearly 2 years now but it’s still Petunia - my old partner in crime, weed and wine worship
34. Who was the best new person you met?
I don’t get out much these days
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:
When faced with a difficult or scary choice, choose the option that preserves or increases your integrity and self respect.
Because acting out of fear just weakens you and the fear does not go away but has babies who then torment you too.
Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed
Aside from several encounters with Dementors, most of the really awful days all had in common that they'd been the object of much anticipation and expectation. Most of the misery was due to sizzling hot or icky sticky weather which made original plans difficult or plain damned uncomfortable.
On the other hand, some days which carried no expectations at all turned out to be the most wonderful and memorable of all the year.
And the other big one - never ever underestimate the power of the reptilian brain. Not the wise and playful inner serpent but that miserable irrational paranoid creature that goes into survival mode at the slightest provocation even when there is no actual danger.
