The Lair of the Emerald Serpent

I have been busy with assorted Culture Vulture activities over the last few weeks but today I set aside time for lurking in the Lair.

It is a public holiday so pretty much everything is closed except for one of my regular cafes. Not only were they open but they did not even charge the usual 10 to 15% surcharge that most cafes and restaurants charge.
So I went there to read the newspapers. Tuesday is Puzzle Day and I am addicted to the weekly logic puzzle and the Code Breaker crosswords.

It was raining on and off the whole day which would have sucked for anyone watching or being in the parades or at the ANZAC dawn service at Kings Park. It was possible that aside from getting soaking wet, there would be no sunrise to watch which is a major part of the ritual.

I always use the day as the perfect opportunity to get a lot of gardening done.
Just to make sure I did not forget anything, I had already written out my battle plan on Sunday.

Not just gardening stuff but housework that I needed to get done. I still find it astonishing what a big difference it makes to put stuff on paper rather than just keeping it in the old grey serpent skull.

I guess there is an element of creating a list of instructions for the subconscious serpent mind to mull over and to just get on with. Not having to make decisions certainly saves a lot of brain power.

My list included planting 6 of the 9 weeds that I got from the nursery last week. I ended up planting 7.

There were some mystery acacias and kunzeas rescued from Death Row at the nursery, some cute kalanchoe cabbage patch leaves, sandalwood seeds, acorns and a pile of pretty pink pigface (carpobrotus viridus) to plant.

The sandslwood seeds were freebies from a bush foods walk and talk on Saturday. They like to be planted near wattles which they use as a host plant. I happen to have lots of wattles because they are tough as old boots, have beautiful leaves and cheerful yellow pom pom flowers but most importantly they are low maintenance because like other legumes, they can fix their own nitrogen so will grow in the most rubbish sandy soils.

( Pretty pink piggies )

It has been a very strange Easter indeed.

Normally I would spend Good Friday in the city visiting the Wesley Church’s annual Stations of the Cross where 14 artists have been given the commission to do one each.


This was one of the most memorable from many years ago


They are an interesting change to the usual Catholic version of this stuff which is big on suffering and sadomasochism. All for the glory of God of course.
This would be followed by a visit to the east of the city. The site of a historical graveyard and also a gorgeous organic permaculture city farm.
I nearly always find a new book to start on this day with a spooky or spiritual theme.
James Herbert’s very creepy ‘Sepulchre” and “Dark Portent”, Dan Brown’s “Da Vinci Code” (of course) or Stephen King’s “Dead Zone” or “Carrie” come to mind

In the old days I used to work weekends in the mad house. Afternoons from 3 to 9pm and 7 to 1pm on Mondays. So that was the rest of Easter taken care of. But since leaving, I took advantage of the opportunity to visit the amazing Street Arts Festival in Fremantle which was a long weekend of buskers and street performers from all over the world

It was sort of surreal visiting their website last night. You get a sense of how far in advance such events are planned because the program had already been printed and was online before it got pulled due to a certain virus. So I downloaded the program for posterity and nostalgically thought about the wickedly wonderful Lizard Man who turned up last year. I went to see lots of his shows and was more than happy to toss a tenner or two into the hat and to get some creepy green postcards as a quid pro quo

Next week would have been the Perth Heritage weekend where a bunch of amazing old buildings are open to the public. This used to be in October but they moved it last year to avoid the heat and to also coincide with the National Trust Heritage Festival which I think is nationwide. Fremantle has recently jumped on this bandwagon and piggy backed off the National Trust in order to save printing and advertising costs for their own festival
The University of Notre Dame is always a cornerstone of these events and this serpent is a regular attendee. Last year the keynote speaker was Peter Greste. He was the journalist arrested and imprisoned in Egypt for more than a year

This is then followed by the Garden Festival which is a wonderful opportunity to meet fellow green freaks and stock up on all sorts of weeds. Since I do not have a car, I usually take advantage of the fact that many of the native nurseries in unreachable places are all there and I can just pig out on the most amazing weeds at the best time of year for planting

But now all of this is gone. Gone gone gone

So instead I spent the Easter weekend lurking in the Lair. Due to the nasty 37 degree days, there was not much I could do in the garden until the evening so there was a lot of snoozing going on
Monday was a mild and gorgeous sunny day so I took the opportunity to repot some basil, to plant lots of coriander and to get a very late start on the Autumn Equinox instalment of the 3.1.5 black book where I list my grand plans for the next 3 months, 12 months and 5 years

I also finally finished decluttering the dining room table and got a start on the Fridge Blitz

It makes an astonishing difference to have so many clean, clear and uncluttered surfaces in the Lair. The trick is to keep them that way

I have done more tidying and decluttering in the last 2 weeks than in the last 12 months
So it is an ill wind that blows no good.

The Crim Reaper



On this darkest witchiest of days, such a pity Izzie could not find a pic of Don the Con wearing a Dementor's burqa with his axe or sickle in one hand and a giant bacon Whopper in the other

He has been disturbingly quiet over the last few days. Maybe it's the calm before the Tweet storm. Or maybe Steve Bannon has taken a midnight flight to Argentina and left him home alone


Did attempt to indulge in the usual sunset ritual but the critter had gone hiding behind some clouds and for the last few hours it's been raining cats and dogs. Just as well because it has been an incredibly dry and warm winter. If they got this weather in England it would be called a wonderful summer.

In spite of making a special visit to the garden centre for this witchiest of weeks, did not get around to planting the new peach tree or the Buddhas' hand citrus today as originally planned. Made do with a few mulberry twigs that had been sitting in a bowl of water.
Rescued them from Privet Drive more than a month ago and forgot all about them with all the distractions and dramas there lately.

Only yesterday noticed that buds had come up on all of them, the tiniest curl of a leaf or two and even some green feathery baby berries on one twig.

So did manage to plant something for the day. Most importantly, added the magic ingredient of several handfuls of kitty litter into the planting hole for the mulberry twigs

Now the shops have taken to stocking some dodgy brands such as Purina from the USA which are twice the price of the perfectly good local stuff. But the big prize goes to the muck from Middle Earth also known as New Zealand
It's not your average clumping clay but volcanic rock zeolite which happens to contain all sorts of interesting trace elements and of course holds lots of liquid which is precisely why it gets used for soaking up cat pee. It also happens to be a home brand which means it's less than 1/4 price of the competitors.

Izzie with her mad hat and bags and stuff looks like your average crazy cat lady, so when buying a bag of this stuff at the supermarket talk invariably turns to those elusive feline creatures. Folks are always surprised to find me buying the stuff when I haven't even got a cat. Visits from the neighbour's moggies don't quite count.

But any would be burglars who come lurking around the Lair on seeing the big orange bags of kitty litter and the angel's trumpet flowers near the gate along with an assortment of ghost chilies are hopefully sufficiently scared off. If they did get inside they would probably get attacked by the stacks of books and not a TV or half decent tech toy to be seen.

It is just such a pity that some of the more interesting plants find this bit of the world just a bit too warm for their tastes. But then there's always an assortment of pitcher plants or durian fruit to add to the Witch list of weeds.

Last Saturday was a grey and rainy day. The only motivation to stir the Izzie from her serpent snooze was the Farmer’s markets in Subiaco. Now that I’m working every second Saturday, it would be a shame to waste a free one but there was another more important method to our madness.
Knowing that it is infinitely easier to honour commitments to others rather than to myself, on my previous visit on the Easter weekend I had asked one of the stall holders if she had any saffron bulbs to spare since every other year they have a surplus. Of course they also sell the bright and shiny precious in little glass vials as a side line to the main business which is olive oil.
Several years ago I had bought some bulbs from their stall and was pleased as punch to get my paws on such precious specimens. Following their instructions plus those obtained from the Oracle of Google, I planted the critters and waited patiently. It did not take too long for little green shoots to appear but the flowers never did follow. Izzie was a foolish creature back then and had hogged the precious corms all to herself. I learnt my lesson the hard way when they all shrivelled up and this time decided to reserve one third for Petunia to plant in her own veggie patch. She has magic powers when it comes to green and growing things so this is a sort of insurance policy.

The lady running the stall said that she did not have any bulbs for sale that day but I could order some for the next few weeks before the end of the season. So I chose a specific date and number.
So the thought of six precious saffron bulbs was sufficient motivation to be out and about reasonably early especially since it was 3 years ago since last setting eyes on them.

It was a very pleasant surprise to be handed the little brown paper bag and told that since they were rather small this year we would be getting 12 for the price of 6 but that they would need to be planted pretty quickly. Within a week or two at the most.
Several were already sprouting and some cute little devils had two little horns on the side rather than one at the tip.
They don’t like wet feet and live quite happily in nasty sandy soil. With 8 specimens to play with, there is no need to put all the eggs in one basket so the chances of survival should be greatly increased.

They will most definitely not be sharing beds with the ginger and turmeric which are growing like crazy. They like it hot and wet and are very happy indeed lurking in the Lair.
They will also not be lurking amongst the angel’s trumpets with their bewitching and intoxicating perfumes. Two of them are now displaying their pretty poisonous pendulous petals.
The lavender and cactus patch will be the perfect place to put these precious specimens.

So they will be kept separate from the other green and growing things in little pots of their own that can be moved around according to the weather.

Since this is the time when everything comes to life in the garden, it is essential to make the most of the opportunity to get critters planted and pampered and set up for the nasty stinking sizzle to come at the end of the year.

It’s been a busy week around the Lair. Due to the intrusion of a certain centenary, many of the usual weekend events in April did not keep to their usual schedule. Two of the serpent favourites - the annual garden festival and a school fete in the city all got crammed into the first weekend of May.
The garden festival is a bit of a rip off. It costs a lot to get in and they are not exactly giving away the pretty plants. But it is a chance to find unusual weeds and seeds and this year was no exception. However this time the location was moved to a gorgeous park right next to the city and the local council were offering two for the price of one vouchers to encourage folks to turn up at this new venue.

So Petunia and myself packed up a picnic and had a wonderful day. We were especially happy to find Hellfire Chillies selling some of their wicked weeds at half price since they are going into the dormant season.
Especially amusing was looking at the tree nursery stand. Now that no one has land anymore, fruit trees and vegetable gardens have become quite a status symbol and the fruit trees have prices to match. Avocado trees were a ridiculous $60 and they were no bigger than medium sized shrubs. Most ridiculous of all were the tropical guavas at a mere $150. There’s one five minutes walk down the road and I am constantly collecting the dropped fruit and burying it in the hope that some of the seeds may germinate. No luck so far. It might be time to dry out the seeds and see if that makes a difference. Being a tropical tree, it should take less than 6 years to get some fruit on it.
There were a wonderful selection of Angels’ trumpets but after one of the speakers claiming that they are really easy to grow from cuttings, will most definitely try that first before forking out $20 for a specimen. There’s also an Italian lady who sells them at the university markets who has them a bit cheaper.

( Wicked Weeds and Bad Books )

Izzie's been slacking lately on the squiggling front. There's just too many temptations both online and in real life.

Not much has been happening anyway. That is not a complaint. I like a quiet uneventful life. If I want drama, there's plenty of that over in Canberra. I'm already cackling in evil anticipation of the entertainment that will be Question Time in the Lower House tomorrow. Just got to love the logic of passing draconian legislation and then debating it later which is exactly what we have in store for tomorrow.

The weather has been glorious lately. The equinoxes are always interesting. Everything is blooming and blossoming. The birds are singing and little buds appearing on the trees. The days are long enough to get stuff done in the garden but without the glaring overpowering light and sizzling heat of summer. Dawn and dusk are even more magical at this time of year than usual.

Was very very good this weekend and stayed away from all sorts of temptation including the annual spring festival plants sale in Kings Park and a big charity book sale south of the river. All the recent pottering in the garden and sorting out the serpent book collection is a constant reminder that another two life times would be needed to read what I already have and that there are too many plants from previous sales that have nothing to show for themselves but the plastic pots that they came in. Such decadent unsuccessful experiments and indulgences can no longer be justified now that there's no longer a proper goblin job to pay the bills.

Presently reading Chuck Palahniuk"s "Haunted". That is one wicked, sick and twisted book and the perfect inspiration for November's novel adventures. Turning a writers retreat into a mini Hunger Games is an ideal environment for creating plot monsters. The only thing missing are a few pots of carnivorous flame lillies.
I must also add "The Shining" to the very long reading list. Dystopias and haunted houses are such irresistible ingredients for this ghoulish gothic morbid serpent.

Must be slinking off. Some of those online courses are giving the old grey cells a serious workout.

Izzie's not been slinking much in Cyberia these days or rather has confined her lurking to an assortment of online courses. It won't be long before the days of educational freebies will be over and it is time to make the most of the opportunities while they last.

It's been the crispiest crunchiest most gorgeous weather this winter. It's the only time of year when the light is somewhat delicate rather than bright and glaring. It is also the perfect time for planting.

Once more, big fat patches of the garden have been devoted to garlic in the hope of a bounteous harvest of bulbs in November. One can only live in hope.

This year a new weed will be taking pride of place in the Garden of Arcane Delights. There's an old Italian lady who is a regular at the Wednesday markets at the university. She sells dried herbs, eggs, tomatoes, olives, lemons and peppers from her own garden but also has a rather extensive collection of plants for sale. There are the usual specimens such as loquats, olive, mulberry and citrus trees and more exotic plants such as dragon fruit and pomegranates. But the one that caught the Izzie eye a few weeks ago was a single solitary Angel's Trumpet tree. As of this week it now has a new home.

Like its little cousin the daturas (also known as devil's trumpets) this pretty specimen has long pale fluted flowers with sinister powers. Not least of these is its habit of producing an intoxicating perfume at night.
It is still sitting pretty in its pot waiting to be transplanted to a spot worthy of its wickedness. In dappled shade but also sufficiently close to the door so that its charms can be admired from near rather than from afar. The full moon of Friday 13th will of course be the most auspicious time for performing the transplanting ritual.

June will also be the month for one last Diggers binge. That's when the last two year membership expires and there's little point in renewing since there's simply no room for more wicked weeds and seeds. Then there's the fact that the critters in their catalogue are just not quite as cute and useful as Cerbera Odollam which looks rather like a feral frangipani.
Wolfsbane is not happy in this hot climate and hemlock is also not easy to come by. As well as the weather, the Nanny State conspires against interesting plants but gives the green light to the truly evil specimens such as Monsanto canola.

Sunday will be devoted to a grand planting session. There's lots of garlic bulbs, coriander seeds, mangelwurzel and an assortment of beans and other strange beasties to be put in their beds.
Unfortunately none of them are from this particular pretty collection of curiosities

Not been lurking or posting much in journal land lately. There’s been plenty of distractions both online and in the mundane muggle world. Whether that is following the antics of our new Fearless Leader as he flies off to Jakarta or listening to a certain ex prime minister offering him some invaluable advice, there’s plenty to amuse this ancient serpent

It’s been a wild and wet September weatherwise. It’s a full time job these days to stop the nasturtiums strangling every other living thing in the Lair. It will be interesting to see how long it takes for the soil to dry out once the months of endless rainless sunny days begin.

It’s hard to believe it’s almost October. It will be Christmas before we know it. The year is almost over and there’s so so little to show for it other than a few more grey hairs and spare tyres. Still stuck in a rut on the inspiration front. There’s tons of books to read and things to do but no mojo whatsoever. Still trying to find some bright shiny goal that gets the old eyes twinkling. It’s not like there isn’t already a list of them but there’s none that are particularly inspiring.

Finally got around to googling the Guardian's "3 Little Pigs" advert. First seen it on the ABC's show about advertising and spin more than a year ago. Been meaning to watch it again ever since.
It's amazing how many make overs those old stories get and they still sound good.

Izzie’s got the munchies. The other week one of the local supermarkets had cauliflowers on sale for $1.70 when they usually sell for somewhere between $3 and $4. So this was just the excuse to indulge in something a bit healthier than cheese, bread or potatoes

They also had broccoli for $1 a head so added one of those to the basket too. Did get to thinking that anyone who has ever grown these critters knows how long it takes and how hard it is to get a half decent sized head. If the supermarket can sell them for $1.70 one can only imagine how little the grower is getting. But of course there is the age old problem of been torn between paying a fair price to the producer while having a limited stash of cash for food.

( serpent snacks )

A certain serpent has been somewhat psycho of late. Not the axe murdering, baby munching, cat killing uncontrollable and sadistic sort of psycho but just plain neurotic and as mad as a hatter. Jittery and agitated and totally unable to snap out of such a crazy state. So it is simply pointless to go pottering on grand adventures as it is simply a waste of time and train fares. As there’s a rather large pile of mulch on the verge and and a botanical monster needing to be tamed, termite infested den of iniquity that it is, figured that it made more sense to linger about the Lair and sort this stuff out rather than go on any pottering, plotting and planning camp nano coffee crawls. Not quite coffee as that is well and truly off the menu but a pot of tea or two

Yesterday in a fit of nostalgia paid a visit to the Muse cafe located appropriately enough in the grounds of the state museum. It was exactly six months ago yesterday since discovering the place in its new incarnation. It used to be a quaint place selling crappy coffees and sandwiches at exorbitant prices. So it was hardly a surprise that it closed

The new mob are big into retro and the 1950s look but most importantly of all they have loose leaf tea in real china pots and cute cups and quirky spoons to match.

The very first visit did think that six silver sickles for a big pot was a bit decadent but chose to indulge anyway. But the whole ritual with the gorgeous china pots and a good four cups of real tea per pot made that six dollars most reasonable indeed. So been pretty much a regular since then.
That particular day had brought a stash of papers printed out the day before but waiting for a suitable occasion before a proper peek. These pages were several weeks worth of home work assignments for the Coursera “Introduction to Mathematical Thinking”

Spent a good few afternoons doing that stuff there as well as the crypto course homework. There is just something about sitting outside under the trees with a cup or two of tea rather than staring at a blinking computer screen that makes the old serpent green cells function a lot more efficiently
It was also an excellent spot for nano plotting, planning and squiggling and almost became an unofficial city HQ for a certain serpent

But it was a muggy day and the magic was just not there. It was not the bus ride but some phone dramas that had made the Izzie crazy and even cups of tea at the Muse cafe were not going to cast their usual spell. Did resort to pulling out the very same stash of maths assignments from six months ago and doing some of assignment 6 sort of served as a circuit breaker. But it is very easy to be reasonably calm when it is quiet and there are no distractions.

( Crazy Izzie and the Chain Saw Massacre )