The Lair of the Emerald Serpent

There’s been so much weirdness in the Wild west this last week.

Yesterday was a public forum with an assortment of senators for next week’s unusual election. There were communists, tree hugging greenies, a stoned member of the Hemp party, Dr Death (Philip Nietschke) of the Voluntary Euthanasia Party and even the Pirates Party on the podium.

A few days previously the mad monk prime minister announced the return of knights and dames (of his choosing) and his idol was in the Speaker’s chair at the House of Parliament doing her usual Dolores Umbridge impersonations.
One of her unofficial duties is to keep questions from getting through to the prime minister and to resort to all sorts of devious and dodgy delaying tactics to achieve this aim.
Then one of Dumbledore’s army called her out on these tactics and all hell broke loose. It was the best Question Time ever and that was only on the radio. The television version would have been a total riot.




( Freak Show Central )

Medieval Madness

Saturday was the day of the much anticipated medieval festival. This is a must attend event on the serpent calendar ever since discovering it by accident way back in 2006.It was the best April Fool’s Day ever. Since then along with the odd cancellation it seems to have slowly slinked back in time to mid March. But it’s been jinxed ever since getting an ankle twisted on the way to this event back in 2010. Got to thinking about that today. Had booked the day off ages before the event so there was no need for the usual mad rush to the bus in order to be at the mad house for a 3pm start.
Back then had a good 500 plus hours of sick leave already accumulated. Got the dodgy ankle treated by the St John Ambulance mob who attend pretty much every public event. They had issued some pink little form. In spite of hobbling to the goblin office in a state obviously incapable of work and with this pink piece of A4 paper as written evidence, this was deemed as insufficient. Only a medical certificate signed by a doctor would be considered acceptable evidence as incapacity to work. Never mind that there’s at least a week’s wait to get a doctor these days. All those happy thoughts resurrected themselves in the emerald serpent skull today.
At least this time there was no need to put in a request for the day off several times and several months in advance due to the complete incompetence of the teflon coated cockroach in charge of the roster.

This year was going to be a bit different in that their usual 10-5 schedule would be tweeked for a 9pm finish. Most peculiar indeed thinks the serpent. But that means a quick peek at the so called international student festival before slinking down to visit the oldies. Last year this student thing was also on the same day. Turned up at 5pm and it was all over. So got there early and discovered that it was not worth the bother. Even the so called Global Food Village was a nonevent and the munchies were certainly not at student friendly prices. The plan was to spend about an hour there before going down to the medieval fair but it was so boring that it was worth making a deviation to the state library for a free 20 minutes on their express computers. The main purpose was to read emails and take a quick peek in Livejournal land. But Livejournal had turned into Deadjournal on this particular occasion. So no luck there

Since there was no decent affordable munchies at the so called student festival it was time to slink down to Annalakshmi which is not only kosher and very tasty but conveniently located very near the Supreme Court Gardens which is the site for the medieval festival

( Dungeons, dragons, swords and sorcery )

So for the day that’s in it - here’s a toast to exiled emerald serpents everywhere ;)

Here's hoping that the first day of the new year is not an omen for the rest of them. Hot and sticky with both the sunrise and sunset hiding behind clouds is a strange start

This last week has proved beyond all possible doubt that you don't need a tornado, cyclone, hurricane or floods for the weather to make life hell.
Just a big fat week of forties where the night time temperature never goes below 25 pretty much does the trick
Izzie is lucky in presently not needing to get up to go to the day job but endless days of sleeplessness does very detrimental things to one's mood
It really is time for Izzie to invent her own version of the Dementors - hot and clammy horrors that cook your insides rather than freeze them, sizzle your brain, and make you believe you will never ever have a good night's sleep again. Even too much sunshine can be despair inducing in its own peculiar way

So it is such a relief that it is finally raining. Problem is that the brick and tile oven that is the Lair has heated up so much in the last week than even with the windows and doors open and fans on (Izzie has no airconditioning) it is not cooling down quite as quickly as we would like

Spent most of the day over at Petunia's place and she is also completely over it. Resorted to putting up a tent as it is much cooler outside than in the house. They do have aircon but Vernon insists on turning it off all the time.

It apparently only reached 32 celsius today as opposed to yesterday's sizzling 42 but both days felt pretty much the same - like being stuck in some sauna from hell

Looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning to find everything all cool and fresh and to potter around the lair to see lots of lush green growing things rather than the shrivelled up miserable weeds of the last week

So here's wishing that the weather gods do not inflict such wickedness on anyone one else this year

It is most silly of this serpent to be indulging in nostalgia especially when this very day in 2001 which marked the descent into three weeks of complete misery with a dozen Dementors for company

Today was a veritable picnic in comparison but still jinxed and miserable. At times it seemed the clouds of doom and gloom would depart but such illusions were soon shattered

Had decided to commemorate the occasion by paying a visit to the old lunatic asylum along with the very cute carriage cafe which celebrates its 100th birthday some time this December.

Neither of those things were on the agenda for Wednesday 12th December 2001 which was so disgustingly hot and muggy that even the anniversary celebrations of Marconi’s radio at Wireless Hill could not tempt this miserable muggle out of the house

The point of the visit to the asylum and the cafe was for a feast of squiggling. Not just a bunch of Christmas cards which should really have been all posted by now. It was supposed to be a ritual for banishing the beastly Dementors. It’s worked wonderfully before and maybe it would again.
But once again the misery magnet was working overtime. Around 2pm while sitting on the deck at the carriage cafe it started raining down in buckets. Had picked a spot with an umbrella but using a fountain pen with emerald ink was tempting fate

This also meant abandoning plans to go to the lunatic asylum from 3 to 5pm since the most inspiring places to squiggle are all outside under the shade of the plane trees. So pottered off to the wonderful New Edition book store instead with its cafe and lots of old fashioned tables and proper wooden cafe chairs and trying to avoid getting soaked in the process
It did help having narrowed down the present problems to one central issue. That dark grimoire four of pentacles with the creepy corpse sitting in a chair clutching a book to his chest with his cold dead hands summed up the problem most magnificently

Many moons ago had made numerous attempts to solve the problem of being very easily upset over the silliest smallest things. Would go completely murderous in the old skull but managed to avoid outward displays of such rage except in safe environments such as at home alone. But one day the old luck might run out and all hell would break loose with some possibly nasty consequences
Absolutely nothing worked at all and every attempt to destroy or dampen this rather short fuse just ended in failure. Until one day it happened with absolutely no effort whatsoever

But nature abhors a vacuum and the inner beasts soon found new ways to channel their evil intent. What used to be the odd spare tyre has turned into the Michelin warehouse, what used to be the well stocked pantry is now full of stuff long past its use by date, there’s a veritable menagerie of cute and cuddly creatures lingering around the lair and as for books. We thinks it was Kaasirpent who found the wonderful quote that books breed like rabbits but book shelves breed like elephants (Izzie would have suggested unicorns)

( Hubble bubble, toil and trouble )

Just a quick note from the serpent. Camp Nanowrimo has started and the Izzie is squiggling on two fronts. One to reach the daily quota plus an extra few hundred words as a safety net and the other words are being wasted responding to horrid Howlers from toxic toads

So no slinking allowed in Cyberia until the homework is done. And with those dementors sapping the old serpent brain, not many green cells left for catching up on all the gossip. Been ever so tempted by a post on the topic of 'What's your favourite decade?" Even been getting all nostalgic thinking about it. But in this serpents' present distracted state seems most unlikely to be able to get around to proper commenting

In the meantime got to be off polishing the nails for a new coffin in Toad Hall. It is short and squat not big and fat. Must be off camping. Got to be off to toast some critters over the fire for a serpent snack.
Most peeved indeed that the old toad has pissed on our Camp nano parade. Had been so looking forward to cooking up that cauldron of alphabet soup

Yesterday Izzie decided not to be too adventurous in her travels. Instead of running off to some far flung location would simply slink about in the city and visit the cute little bookshop cafe discovered last week and go in search for others of a similar ilk

The weather was seriously unpredictable. After a week of rain and storms it was all sunny and gorgeous. Was very tempted to stay slinking about in the garden but had to go to the central bus station to get a dodgy travel card replaced. It just died two days ago without any warning and been feeling so lost without it. Not just for the 15% discount on fares but using such a card means that you don’t have to be constantly searching for loose change.

Had a sudden craving for golden coconut rice which is on offer at a little take away just past the northern border of the free transit zone. The place called Sparrow is a very cheap and cheerful Indonesian eatery aimed mainly at students. Should have gone for the gado gado as Izzie is a total peanut junkie but picked the mushrooms instead. A bit bland but the yellow coconut rice was just as tasty as ever. Indonesian spice options seem to consist of nothing, chili overload or satay sauce. Only one of those is of interest to Izzie

It was then time to slink down the side streets en route to the main shopping strip north of the city. One of these called Lincoln Street was full of old houses with lush green gardens and a very intriguing and mysterious beige coloured tower. It was in an Art Deco style and looked from first appearance like a war memorial or an outpost of some Masonic temple. It turned out to belong to the Department of Water and had been built in 1941. It could hardly be a storage tank as it was far too elegant for such mundane purposes. Maybe it is filled with filters. It would be one seriously impressive water cooler.

( More side street slinking and coffee sipping )

There were so many temptations to start the serpent weekend. A greenie mob called Earth Carers had an evening full of wormy goodness starting at 7pm on Wednesday. A movie about community gardens and a compost competition in the very gorgeous Grove Library. Very tempting

But the Izzie got to thinking that the time might be more productively spent actually doing stuff in our own patch of green instead of watching other folks. After two of our usual gardening days last week being sacrificed on the altar of certain serpent rituals, there was lots of catching up to do.

Four consecutive days of scheduled events and activities was simply way too much excitement for such an introverted serpent even though all of them were interesting and did not want to miss a single one

So after the usual coffee crawl after work on Wednesday set about doing all sorts of stuff in the garden. The main project at the moment is digging a grave for the recently deceased macadamia tree. Marked out the burial site which includes the spot the poor critter is still standing lifeless and leafless with one single solitary nut clinging to its bare branches. Been bringing some of the sad excuse for soil to the front garden, mixing it with piggie poo and tossing it under the big orange tree

Picked up a useful permaculture trick called ‘hugelkultur’ which involves making a pile of large logs followed by smaller ones, twigs and other assorted organic matter, covering the lot with manure, kitchen scraps, prunings and a final layer of top soil. This can be built on the ground or in a pit. Much depends on the pile’s visibility and whether one’s neighbours are Dursleys or Weasleys.

So dug out half of the hole on Wednesday and this morning was to be spent digging out the other half and filling the thing with large logs and branches from some of the green wood in the shed. Then it will be the turn of the poor macca to be chopped and tossed in the grave.

( Plotting and Planning )

It has been a week of the most amazingly beautiful weather. It has been warm but not hot with low humidity and beautiful light breezes. Nothing like the hot icky sticky mugginess that we had this time last year and which basically totally ruined all of Christmas
So far the forecast is 28 celsius for the big day which must be the lowest ever. Such a bummer the serpent is working 3-9 that day and early the next morning so will not be able to party properly

That has made the Izzie decidedly grinchy. It was different in 2008 and 2009 when Christmas was on a Thursday and then a Friday - both Izzie days off. But 2008 was a stinking hot day and 2009 was also hot but with the added bonus of having the plumbers out on Christmas Eve to fix a hot water leak.

But in spite of being over the whole snowflake and Santa thing, Monday was a glorious sunny day and could feel the sap rising and a sense of enchantment and expectation.
The day job soon put a dampener on that and managed to get all freaky and neurotic on the afternoon coffee crawl in spite of the absolutely gorgeous weather.
Confirmed beyond all possible doubt that the day job has become so toxic that it is totally necessary to first return to the lair and have a long shower to wash all the nastiness off before even attempting to do anything useful with the rest of the day

Did that on Tuesday and it made such a huge difference. Felt so much better and got so much more done and managed to keep the demented beasties at bay

Same procedure today but the silly serpent's quick 30 minute nap (to make use of the two hour limit on bus tickets) turned into a two hour snooze.
A bit peeved at this waste of a beautiful afternoon but decided not to mope but just get on the bus at 5pm and go to watch the sunset at the beach in Fremantle as originally planned. But it did mean no coffee crawls or visit to the Juicy Beetroot for happy hour munchies

It was a refreshing feeling to feel all warm and toasty rather than cranky and scratchy. The bus driver was bit of a jerk as most of them are these days. When in the psycho state, would be a blubbering wreck by the end of the journey. But today the psychic shields were in working order and was able to filter out squealing kids and the usual last minute slamming on of the brakes routine so beloved by most bus drivers.
The last five minutes of the trip did get a bit iffy but sat in the sunshine on a gorgeous medieval style bench at Kings Square and slowly recovered

Had been chirpy and cheery both Tuesday and today. The weather must have been a big factor. Noticed that even the usual disgusting antics of the goblins of rostering on people who are on holidays thus leaving us short staffed again did not bother the Izzie. It all just bounced off.

Saturday was the complete opposite. Also gorgeous weather but was getting upset over the littlest and silliest things. Then randomly opened a page of one of the many books lurking near the serpent basket. Not the one about chaos magic but something similar.
Bibliomancy is such a useful 'divination' tool. Often the perfect piece of advice will turn up even when not actively seeking it. Stuff about auras and energy shields saying that if you are feeling overwhelmed all the time especially when in the presence of lots of people, it could be because your 'protective shields' have crashed and are letting all sorts of negative nasties in.
Oh yesss. Could so relate to that. The damned things have been down or constantly crashing since mid November and all the old tricks to bring them back do not seem to be working. Well not quite true. A nice warm shower definitely works wonders and brings an instant transformation in vitality and motivation.

There ware strange pictures of scratchy blobs that looked rather like cells full of holes and long dark lines which they called cords although straws seemed a more appropriate description

Today got to experience both sides. The sunset was gorgeous. Got a bit peeved though when of all the empty spaces along the beach two stupid tourists insisted on taking pictures of the sunset right in front of the spot where the Izzie was sitting. A few evil snarls and hisses from the serpent might have moved the morons along.
Visited a bottle shop after the sunset in search of the last of our Christmas presents. The place was full of noisy bogans and Izzie was getting more and more sensitive to their antics. Getting tired and just about to crash. Got out and slinked to the bus stop. Twenty mins sitting outside looking at the stars in the garden restored equilibrium

The strangest experience ever was one afternoon where it became increasingly sticky and humid. This was at the serpent sacred site of the old lunatic asylum that is now an arts centre. Putting on the impartial Martian hat, noticed how our base mode changed from happy to cranky and back again as the wind rose and then disappeared.
You cannot let the weather dictate the state of your mind but it is good to learn what triggers push the grumpy buttons so as to try avoid them or over ride them

Tomorrow will be another gorgeous crisp and crunchy day. Will be spending lots of it sitting at the beach and then watching the sunset and listening to the waves. That is one serious battery recharging exercise.
The Izzie has got some serious repairs and maintenance to do on those protective shields. Most of the year they have been in bits and totally useless.
The mind is a strange and scary thing. Most of the old rituals have seemed to stop working. It's time to find some new ones. Nothing less than the serpent sanity is at stake.

Izzie still cannot shake off those doomy gloomy Australian dementors which are a surprisingly persistent bunch of creeping creatures. They seem to revel in the heat and are most virulent and persistent in the months of December to February.
They bugger up your eyes so that even diamonds and gold look like disgusting brown mud and they fog up the brain so that you cannot think of anything remotely cheerful or pretty much of anything at all. But worst of all, they have taken to hiding in coffee cups.


On Thursday pottered past The Well book shop which is closing around Christmas and presently has everything at 40% off. The inner vulture could not resist the temptation. Had previously got a big fat book by Robert Fisk and another “Finding Moonshine” about the history of the study of symmetry as well as one of those John Seymour organic gardening books which at just over half price is about what you would pay online for it.


This was going to be the last visit so could not resist one more peek. In spite of all the best of intentions was feeling most irrational indeed. The serpent had borrowed a certain book some four years ago and while interesting in bits found it dreadfully fluffy and like some sort of script from an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Could get this book from any old library any time and also acquired its infinitely superior sequel amongst a stack of six or so books at a school fete for the princely sum of five silver sickles for the lot.
So it had been easy to resist temptation at the annual 20% off post Christmas book sales and even the big Borders closing down sale which went on for several months in the first half of the year. But this time was different

( musings and meanderings )

Izzie is seriously considering raiding the stash of very dark chocolate. Been driven literally crazy by a dozen dementors who have been tormenting this innocent old serpent since Thursday 8th. At this stage they are heading for a record. Not a single one of the usual tricks has worked to get rid of them. At this rate will be requesting Stephen King to send one of those icky sticky strawberry pies over as a a means of passing them on to some unsuspecting victim. Or maybe that should be some dark chocolate mud pie.

Tried sitting in the sunshine, reading some interesting books and even planting some Diggers heirloom purple beans. Did that today while listening to the adventures of one Winston Smith who had gone visiting O'Brien to organize the counter revolution. Silly old bugger. He's going to regret that. So now these little critters will be officially O Brien's beans. Let's just hope they don't grow whiskers and little grey tails

Was so tempted to stay curled up in the serpent sack this afternoon but did that half of yesterday and all day on Sunday. Supposed to be on holidays and time is too precious to waste. Problem is though that any attempt to go anywhere or do anything just ends up with an episode of the crazies and slinking back to the lair totally neurotic, claustrophobic and exhausted.

Did go up to peek at the pretty weeds in Kings Park. It was a strange sensation. While being able to appreciate how gorgeous they are and at this time of year they are even more amazing than usual, was still agitated and unable to be in the present moment. The monkey mind is completely in overdrive and will just not switch itself off.

There's nothing to be done but just wait till the beasties have gotten bored with this serpent. And it better be sooner rather than later. The thought of having the big weekend at the Hulbert Street sustainability festival ruined on their account is just too awful. Especially since booking these holidays in order to be able to go to that festival a whole six months ago.

Tomorrow will be the equinox and was supposed to be spending it at Cottesloe beach for sunset and coffee crawls in Kings Park earlier in the morning. Will see what happens. Supposed to be raining and cloudy all day so there'll be no point in trying to watch any sunset if that is the case

It's hard to work out which is the chicken and which is the egg. Is it being run down and sick that makes a critter a tasty tempting target for the dementors or is it their soul sapping evil sneakery that invites the bugs in to follow? The only thing the serpent knows is that they pay a visit with their assorted viruses almost invariably whenever the Izzie is on annual leave. They were a bit early this time.

Had been looking forward to this week a good six months ago and had all sorts of grand plans including a certain Dursley's birthday on Sunday just gone. But the map is most definitely never the territory. Even the attempt to sneak over with a stack of prezzies when she was gone out did not succeed. She decided on that particular day not to go to her usual dancing class. And the day before without ringing or anything she came over to the Lair when the Izzie was out and probably seen half of the presents lying on the kitchen table in various states of being wrapped up with ribbons and bows.

They went out to a restaurant for lunch with a bunch of friends thinking the Izzie would be still at work when they got back.


And now the ma is accusing the serpent of being a secretive sneak for neglecting to mention about our holidays. "But don't they usually start on Mondays?" She still thinks we got sent home for being too sick. Fat chance of that. They'd let you turn up dead as long as you turn up in a zombie incarnation so you could actually do something.


She still thinks the Izzie is lying about the week's holidays. Learnt our lesson the hard way. If the ma is still around for her 80th (which will be on a Saturday) and the serpent is still around too and in the same job, will most definitely not bother taking the day off for the big event.