6 August 1983
06/08/2003 09:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
izmeinaIzzie has been reminiscing. Scary how time flies faster with each passing year. And that some things which seemed as near as yesterday happened 20 years ago is really spooky.
It all started as a normal boring day in the bogs but with a slight twist. The ma had picked her favorite punishment for ickle Iz who had not been leaving the lair as tidy as it is possible to be. No munchies...not a single solitary crumb for the whole day.
Funny looking back on it. They say that kids are constantly pushing the boundaries to see what they can get away with and secretly hope that their parents will put their foot down to say "This far and no further". In my case it must have been the reverse. Petunia's punishments were getting more and more outrageous. But not once did ickle Iz tell her just where to go. I guess I was a gutless Zombie at heart. She would never have dreamed of trying it on my little sister. They were constantly screaming at each other.
My dad was building a wall at the time and Iz had to help. He used to feel sorry for me and this particular morning had smuggled two bananas for the poor Iz who was already peckish having not been allowed to have breakfast.
At lunch time we both went inside. Me to just sit there and mope as lunch was also not on the Izzie menu. And Petunia was fluttering around like a bat to make damn sure of that.
The 1pm news was on. This was during the time when the US had plans to deploy Cruise and Pershing missiles in Europe and the natives were not too amused by the latest proposed gifts by the Great White God of the Cargo and Cola cult.
The Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament were protesting outside the US embassy and announced that they were participating in a four day fast to commemorate the anniversaries of the Atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
"Oh...I can't imagine you ever going without food for four days" sneers Petunia.
"Really?" says Izzie. "And what if I do? Will you write out a cheque for 100 pounds as a donation for CND?"
"No need to worry about that" She replies. Well the long and the short of it was that I decided then and there that I would do it just to show her. Petunia hates nothing more than writing out cheques for loopy loony left wing anarchists who should go have a shower and get a job. Then she adds..."Oh but of course I will have to watch to make sure that you don't cheat"
Twenty years later I still remember Vernon saying somewhat disgustedly. "For God's sake..If she says she is going to do it, why can't you take her word for it? It is NOT the same thing when she chooses to do something rather than when you make her do it."
It was a strange four days. I had often gone without stuff to eat for hours because the resident class bullies used to grab my lunch and throw it in the bins or wherever and I would resort to picking crisps or other such snackie things off the ground but never ever had I chosen not to eat for four whole days.
But even though the first two days were pretty hard, the simple fact of having a meaning and purpose to it was what kept me going. I learned all sorts of interesting things....like how much eating is a social ritual or something to do because of habit or boredom. That purpose can overide the most basic of instincts...but most importantly that I had a mind of my own and that I had finally discovered this for the first time.
Four days later I mailed the cheque. Funny I have always been ....well let's just say squishy and cuddly. But I could never go on a fast or a diet for myself. Of course, I realize now years later that as the one thing worse in Petunia's eyes than feral leftie loonies was fat ugly frumps, it was in effect an unspoken battle of wits. You may have total control over everything else...but this is the one area that is a Petunia free Zone.
The things I learned from this little episode made such an impression that it became an Izzie tradition for the following 10 years. In 1987 I even decided to make it a week instead of four days. I did this for the next 7 years until I finally stopped in 1993 when I no longer had the motivation. It is not an advisable thing to do in the presence of Dementors. It can be quite dangerous in fact.
Since I had left the lair in 1984 the ma had nothing to do with my motives. It was more a sense of ritual, continuity, time out and, well it is hard to explain unless you have done it. It certainly helped me see why fasting is such an integral part of many religions. Also being in such a state makes you more receptive to the influence of 'interesting creatures'.
It was particularly strange to come across books on fasting and meditation with exercises involving the invocation of sacred space, animals, water and even showers and wheels of light. I did not do them. In those days, while being interested in the supernatural and spiritual, I was rather sceptical and suspicious about any message not mediated by the five mundane muggle senses.
But in the light of what I have learned in the last few years and a constant sense of deja vu and finding the same sorts of things in many different sources, it was time for another peak at this book.
One expects this sort of thing from flaked out or abducted by Aliens Californians but certainly not Dursleyish Germans. Especially not when they also are practising medical doctors. But no matter where one is in the world, the power of imagination and visualization to heal and change seems to be universally recognized.
I cannot see myself trying it again any time soon but it was certainly an invaluable experience when I did and so strange that it all came about by mere coincidence. Or was it? Some patterns can only be perceived with 20/20 hindsight and this just may have been one of them.
There was a common thread running through most of the Izzie interests and it was only when I could name it that it lost its paralysing power.
It all started as a normal boring day in the bogs but with a slight twist. The ma had picked her favorite punishment for ickle Iz who had not been leaving the lair as tidy as it is possible to be. No munchies...not a single solitary crumb for the whole day.
Funny looking back on it. They say that kids are constantly pushing the boundaries to see what they can get away with and secretly hope that their parents will put their foot down to say "This far and no further". In my case it must have been the reverse. Petunia's punishments were getting more and more outrageous. But not once did ickle Iz tell her just where to go. I guess I was a gutless Zombie at heart. She would never have dreamed of trying it on my little sister. They were constantly screaming at each other.
My dad was building a wall at the time and Iz had to help. He used to feel sorry for me and this particular morning had smuggled two bananas for the poor Iz who was already peckish having not been allowed to have breakfast.
At lunch time we both went inside. Me to just sit there and mope as lunch was also not on the Izzie menu. And Petunia was fluttering around like a bat to make damn sure of that.
The 1pm news was on. This was during the time when the US had plans to deploy Cruise and Pershing missiles in Europe and the natives were not too amused by the latest proposed gifts by the Great White God of the Cargo and Cola cult.
The Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament were protesting outside the US embassy and announced that they were participating in a four day fast to commemorate the anniversaries of the Atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
"Oh...I can't imagine you ever going without food for four days" sneers Petunia.
"Really?" says Izzie. "And what if I do? Will you write out a cheque for 100 pounds as a donation for CND?"
"No need to worry about that" She replies. Well the long and the short of it was that I decided then and there that I would do it just to show her. Petunia hates nothing more than writing out cheques for loopy loony left wing anarchists who should go have a shower and get a job. Then she adds..."Oh but of course I will have to watch to make sure that you don't cheat"
Twenty years later I still remember Vernon saying somewhat disgustedly. "For God's sake..If she says she is going to do it, why can't you take her word for it? It is NOT the same thing when she chooses to do something rather than when you make her do it."
It was a strange four days. I had often gone without stuff to eat for hours because the resident class bullies used to grab my lunch and throw it in the bins or wherever and I would resort to picking crisps or other such snackie things off the ground but never ever had I chosen not to eat for four whole days.
But even though the first two days were pretty hard, the simple fact of having a meaning and purpose to it was what kept me going. I learned all sorts of interesting things....like how much eating is a social ritual or something to do because of habit or boredom. That purpose can overide the most basic of instincts...but most importantly that I had a mind of my own and that I had finally discovered this for the first time.
Four days later I mailed the cheque. Funny I have always been ....well let's just say squishy and cuddly. But I could never go on a fast or a diet for myself. Of course, I realize now years later that as the one thing worse in Petunia's eyes than feral leftie loonies was fat ugly frumps, it was in effect an unspoken battle of wits. You may have total control over everything else...but this is the one area that is a Petunia free Zone.
The things I learned from this little episode made such an impression that it became an Izzie tradition for the following 10 years. In 1987 I even decided to make it a week instead of four days. I did this for the next 7 years until I finally stopped in 1993 when I no longer had the motivation. It is not an advisable thing to do in the presence of Dementors. It can be quite dangerous in fact.
Since I had left the lair in 1984 the ma had nothing to do with my motives. It was more a sense of ritual, continuity, time out and, well it is hard to explain unless you have done it. It certainly helped me see why fasting is such an integral part of many religions. Also being in such a state makes you more receptive to the influence of 'interesting creatures'.
It was particularly strange to come across books on fasting and meditation with exercises involving the invocation of sacred space, animals, water and even showers and wheels of light. I did not do them. In those days, while being interested in the supernatural and spiritual, I was rather sceptical and suspicious about any message not mediated by the five mundane muggle senses.
But in the light of what I have learned in the last few years and a constant sense of deja vu and finding the same sorts of things in many different sources, it was time for another peak at this book.
One expects this sort of thing from flaked out or abducted by Aliens Californians but certainly not Dursleyish Germans. Especially not when they also are practising medical doctors. But no matter where one is in the world, the power of imagination and visualization to heal and change seems to be universally recognized.
I cannot see myself trying it again any time soon but it was certainly an invaluable experience when I did and so strange that it all came about by mere coincidence. Or was it? Some patterns can only be perceived with 20/20 hindsight and this just may have been one of them.
There was a common thread running through most of the Izzie interests and it was only when I could name it that it lost its paralysing power.
