izmeina | Twinkle twinkle

Iz had visitors last Tuesday. This meant that I missed what promised to be an interesting program on the radio about some guy who makes a living helping folks who are terrified of speaking in public. Iz has been there and done that and was ever so curious. So curious in fact that I stayed up to hear the repeat at 1 in the morning (Was working Wednesday afternoon so this was an option)

What a load of absolute and utter drivel. This program is part of a series called "New Dimensions" and seems to consist of a bunch of smug and incredibly pompous kooky Californians indulging in acts of self admiration, telling each other and the rest of the world how insufferably wonderful they are.
Iz is always ever so wary and suspicious whenever she hears or sees the buzzwords "Mind, body and spirit" - especially in the same sentence. Well this program was an insult to my ears and my intelligence and simply dripping with psychobabble buzzwords. So when they announced that the next program would be about a woman called Kath Walker who began her career as a dental assistant/ nurse and ended up being a consultant and founder of an organization called "Clarity International" Iz was half in a mind to hit the zap button and go looking for a channel with something more educational - like Eminem ;) But it was the little phrase "Lights on" that intrigued ickle Iz.
So listen I did. I must confess when I hear the smug sycophantic drawl of the show's presenter - one Michael Tomms - my mind turns immediately to thoughts of the Cruciatus curse but for a change they had finally found a guest who was neither from California nor Mars but good old fashioned Earth.
She said that as a dental assistant, it was a bit hard to get to know clients, customers or whatever they are called these days from what they said since they weren't really in a position to say much. Instead she picked up vibes and what she calls "The twinkle in the eye" which is the give away sign of "Lights on" - some one happy with themselves and what they do and so oozing with passion and love of life that it is almost contagious.
So what is basically commonsense stuff - she uses buzzwords and turns it into a consultancy. But nevertheless she was far more down to earth than most of the Trelawneyish types that usually appear on such shows.
Of course what really amused Iz was the folks who were not neutral but rather 'Lights off" - the dull glazed sad look and the draining negative effect that they have on all who are in their presence. Eyes like dark tunnels....and so on.
Oh yesssss. Iz knows a few of those and prefers not to mince words and be all nice and namby pamby. Dementors. That is what they are.

So it kind of got Iz thinking. The Izzie day job is as a house elf in a place that I like to call "St Salazars' Sanatorium for Superannuated Sorcerers" It does sound rather more glamourous than the reality of looking after a bunch of oldies - most of whom are a few twigs short of a broomstick. The ones who arent' either demented or disabled have had strokes or other illnesses which makes it difficult for them to communicate. This thinks Iz is the worst fate of all - to be all there but trapped inside your head because you have no way of getting across what you want to say.

For a long long time, in my flobberworm days, I very rarely used to speak and people just assumed that I was dumb and stupid and a doormat to be walked on.
But what your woman said about 'lights on' is so true. Even among the demented majority - there are certain residents that give off a feeling - aura or whatever you want to call it of absolute adorability. It is almost impossible to see them without feeling cheerful or finding yourself giving them big squishy cuddles. In fact Iz has her own group of favorite grandmas who she calls the "Cuddly pumpkins" and "The human teddy bears"
The cuddlies are mainly women but not exclusively. Wally is one of them - a new addition from Texas. He is quaint and cuddly and like the pumpkins, hasn't got a single jagged edge. And like them, he too has a twinkle in his eye.
Another one has a reputation as the wicked witch of the west. She screeches, squeals, spits and scratches but absolutely everyone adores her. Iz has had her snakie curls snatched on numerous occasions and been scratched and spat at but still puts Jeanie way at the top of the 'gorgeous' list.
She too has the twinkle.
Then there are the zombies. They just sit there looking dopey, like lumps of wood. Stiff, resistant and ..well you swear that some of them had been kissed by Dementors. In many cases they are much easier to manage than the feisty twinklies and infinitely less scary but no one really likes them. Like 'Lights on - but no one's home"

And then there is a special creature in a category all of her own. While she is a bit of a moaning Myrtle - there is definitely a mischievous twinkle. The one and only "Precioussssss. She is itsie bitsie teenie weenie and a bit hunched but has the most enormous bulging eyes and almost bald head with a few wisps of grey hair. But it is the voice that Iz adores - "You nasty stinking thing. You horrid horrid creature" "It stinks and I don't like it."All the folks at work who have seen the Rings movies know exactly why ickle Iz calls her the Precioussss.(and have even started calling her that too) If only I had an ickle picture so you could see for yourselves.

And then there are the malevolent nasty creatures - the Diva of Dementors and their minions. Revolting cold calculating bitches whose aim in life is to make life hell for the carers, cleaners, cooks, their families and any other poor bugger they can suck into their sphere of influence.
You only need one of them to make as much work as ten of the zombies. Iz calls her "The Ice Queen", "Her Royal Purpleness" and "The Vampire" because the bestest title on the planet, almost especially made with her in mind - it would not be understood by such Dursleyish folks as are to be found there. Well - they are not really Dursleys.... fairer to say Mundane muggles who simply do not know a Dementor when they see one - though of course they are aware of THE PRESENCE.

But what gives Izzie the twinkles? Last week sorting out all those files and stuff, came across a pile of spirals and loads of photocopied stuff from Mr Hofstadter -so much in fact that I will simply have to bite the bullet and snoop and search and finally acquire the utterly brilliant "Le Ton Beau de Marot"
Anyone who loves languages of any description has got to take at least a peek at this masterpiece. Oh and Iz loves drooling over his picture - such a twinklie chap he is too. It is in the eyes - that's where you see it. Funny how it comes across even in a mere photograph. Oh and his wife Carol - that story had Iz out with the hankies. She had it too and looked uncannily like him - not just in physical appearance but essence. Maybe it is some sort of archetype.
Then there is the delightful Anthony de Mello - he twinkles so brightly that his whole face is almost on fire.
Oh and the Potters never fail to get a twinkle and a smile from ickle Iz. In fact they were the very thing that helped me find the green spiral twinklie path that I had strayed from oh so long ago.
Oh and how could I possible forget the two inner creatures - the serpent and the phoenix?