Weapons of Rat Destruction
08/10/2004 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
izmeinaToday was the big day for the evil Izzie "Vote for me" speech. Since half of our public speaking group were not able to turn up this week, we had made arrangements to have a joint meeting with Club 19 who lurk in the posher parts of Dursleyville.
One of our members very kindly offered to give the Izzie a lift since using buses like Izzie usually does, might mean not being able to arrive on time.
This guy is a real properly qualified Goblin who Izzie calls 'Mr Bean' and he is just as crazy too. In fact - quirky eccentricity is almost a membership requisite for our renegade group. After today, this suspicion has been confirmed beyond all possible doubt.
We were most impressed with their very posh room where they have their meetings. Almost like a boardroom. Problem was - there was no place to drape the reams of silver green tinsel that the Izzie brought. Blue tack is not really too good for that sort of thing. But it did come in useful for the posters. Mr Bean had a particularly enormous poster produced by a fellow bean counter at his workplace. She is running for the Senate as a member of "Liberals for Forests" and actually came to our club a few weeks ago to do a test run of her political speech. This was the real thing not our usual flippancy. Serious stuff.
But the fuddy duddies of Club 19 - in spite of having "Vote for me" as the topic of the day - took great exception to this example of blatant bias and were not amused at all. Fair enough having rules against promotions and proselytising for religion or politics, but one would think that the topic of the day would allow for exceptions.
But even before this, us eccentric 8-ers were already looking bewildered when it was time for the club toast. These folks put their hand on their hearts - Izzie is not kidding and declared "I swear allegiance and loyalty to Rostrum Club 19" Even Lisa, our resident American was flabbergasted at this little performance.
She proposed the question of the day to which she had to present a fair and balanced view of both sides and then the chairman calls people at random to answer the question. Her question was along the lines "Does a system of compulsory voting produce the best government?"
That went pretty well and was quite interesting.
Then we got to the bit where our club has a reputation for sheer pig headedness. We had the usual stuff of some one moving a motion, some one seconding and debate for and against. There was then an amendment and that was also exceedingly boring and uneventful.
Duncan - one of our resident Ringwraiths then demands his right of reply which was rather cheeky since he was not the one that proposed the motion. We do this sort of shit stirring all the time. This produced a few feigned smiles from our posh hosts and business continued as usual. Duncan is getting a bit peeved at this stage at how no one is giving the chairman a run for his money. He's getting it way way too easy. So, with a wicked smile he then proposes "I move that we vote by division"
The first time he tried that one at our club, the poor chairwoman went scurrying for the book of rules. Nobody had ever pulled that particular rabbit out of the hat before. But this chairman just pretended it never happened and carried on with the usual procedures. I guess Duncan never made a fuss because he figured we may be pushing these folks hospitality a bit too far. But any chairperson who tried the "See no evil, hear no evil" trick in our club would be slammed not just by the critic but every club member.
Their critic did not even consider the matter worthy of comment.
Well. We finally got to the main speeches after all this fuddy duddy procedural stuff. The first speaker from their club got up and began with the wonderful line "I want your vote and I am willing to pay for it" But after that she just blabbered on and on about truth, justice and integrity. She kept saying the same things again and again and again and again. Heckling was not only allowed but encouraged and she got lots of it - our club being the worst offenders. "What is truth?" Izzie asked ever so innocently in her bestest Dolores squeak.
Then it was the Izzie's turn. We went up there with our rosemary twig broomstick, a big bowl of cheese and a clipboard folder. Izzie began with the usual "Greenest Greetings" and added that she represented a compassionate and merciful party. We did not want to see poor Johnnie Howard starving after the weekend so we brought along a big supply of cheese for the poor thing.
Iz then went on to add that the Green Blitz party had introduced a revolutionary new concept in politics - ie policies! Izzie was the only one of the three candidates who not only had policies but also had them printed out and available for public perusal.
Then there was a quick run through the list and the usual rant against evil bean counters. Folks were calling Izzie things like "The green witch" Most upsetting that was;)
We finished our speech by pulling out our arsenal. One mouse trap for Alexander Downer, another for Peter Costello and then finally Iz pulled out from under her jumper - one very large and grey rat trap - complete with rat and all - our weapon of Rat Destruction.
Izzie usually finishes by saying "If you vote for John Howard you are going to need these" and throws a handful of condoms to the audience. Silly Iz had them in her pocket but got so excited about those rats that she totally forgot. Which was probably just as well, since we had already pissed off these people so often without really trying.
The third speaker was one of theirs. He too had no policies. But he did something strange. He presented his speech as if he was the present prime minister but made no effort to imitate his mannerism or regurgitate his policies or anything. Iz just couldn't help but feel that she went to way way too much bother. But still, it was fun. But next time Iz will have to dare to be different. Since the Iz has represented the Green Blitz party twice at home and now once away -it is time for a change. Time to discard the green and bring on the fluffy pink. Iz will play at being a fascist, rabid right wing uber bitch.
One of our members very kindly offered to give the Izzie a lift since using buses like Izzie usually does, might mean not being able to arrive on time.
This guy is a real properly qualified Goblin who Izzie calls 'Mr Bean' and he is just as crazy too. In fact - quirky eccentricity is almost a membership requisite for our renegade group. After today, this suspicion has been confirmed beyond all possible doubt.
We were most impressed with their very posh room where they have their meetings. Almost like a boardroom. Problem was - there was no place to drape the reams of silver green tinsel that the Izzie brought. Blue tack is not really too good for that sort of thing. But it did come in useful for the posters. Mr Bean had a particularly enormous poster produced by a fellow bean counter at his workplace. She is running for the Senate as a member of "Liberals for Forests" and actually came to our club a few weeks ago to do a test run of her political speech. This was the real thing not our usual flippancy. Serious stuff.
But the fuddy duddies of Club 19 - in spite of having "Vote for me" as the topic of the day - took great exception to this example of blatant bias and were not amused at all. Fair enough having rules against promotions and proselytising for religion or politics, but one would think that the topic of the day would allow for exceptions.
But even before this, us eccentric 8-ers were already looking bewildered when it was time for the club toast. These folks put their hand on their hearts - Izzie is not kidding and declared "I swear allegiance and loyalty to Rostrum Club 19" Even Lisa, our resident American was flabbergasted at this little performance.
She proposed the question of the day to which she had to present a fair and balanced view of both sides and then the chairman calls people at random to answer the question. Her question was along the lines "Does a system of compulsory voting produce the best government?"
That went pretty well and was quite interesting.
Then we got to the bit where our club has a reputation for sheer pig headedness. We had the usual stuff of some one moving a motion, some one seconding and debate for and against. There was then an amendment and that was also exceedingly boring and uneventful.
Duncan - one of our resident Ringwraiths then demands his right of reply which was rather cheeky since he was not the one that proposed the motion. We do this sort of shit stirring all the time. This produced a few feigned smiles from our posh hosts and business continued as usual. Duncan is getting a bit peeved at this stage at how no one is giving the chairman a run for his money. He's getting it way way too easy. So, with a wicked smile he then proposes "I move that we vote by division"
The first time he tried that one at our club, the poor chairwoman went scurrying for the book of rules. Nobody had ever pulled that particular rabbit out of the hat before. But this chairman just pretended it never happened and carried on with the usual procedures. I guess Duncan never made a fuss because he figured we may be pushing these folks hospitality a bit too far. But any chairperson who tried the "See no evil, hear no evil" trick in our club would be slammed not just by the critic but every club member.
Their critic did not even consider the matter worthy of comment.
Well. We finally got to the main speeches after all this fuddy duddy procedural stuff. The first speaker from their club got up and began with the wonderful line "I want your vote and I am willing to pay for it" But after that she just blabbered on and on about truth, justice and integrity. She kept saying the same things again and again and again and again. Heckling was not only allowed but encouraged and she got lots of it - our club being the worst offenders. "What is truth?" Izzie asked ever so innocently in her bestest Dolores squeak.
Then it was the Izzie's turn. We went up there with our rosemary twig broomstick, a big bowl of cheese and a clipboard folder. Izzie began with the usual "Greenest Greetings" and added that she represented a compassionate and merciful party. We did not want to see poor Johnnie Howard starving after the weekend so we brought along a big supply of cheese for the poor thing.
Iz then went on to add that the Green Blitz party had introduced a revolutionary new concept in politics - ie policies! Izzie was the only one of the three candidates who not only had policies but also had them printed out and available for public perusal.
Then there was a quick run through the list and the usual rant against evil bean counters. Folks were calling Izzie things like "The green witch" Most upsetting that was;)
We finished our speech by pulling out our arsenal. One mouse trap for Alexander Downer, another for Peter Costello and then finally Iz pulled out from under her jumper - one very large and grey rat trap - complete with rat and all - our weapon of Rat Destruction.
Izzie usually finishes by saying "If you vote for John Howard you are going to need these" and throws a handful of condoms to the audience. Silly Iz had them in her pocket but got so excited about those rats that she totally forgot. Which was probably just as well, since we had already pissed off these people so often without really trying.
The third speaker was one of theirs. He too had no policies. But he did something strange. He presented his speech as if he was the present prime minister but made no effort to imitate his mannerism or regurgitate his policies or anything. Iz just couldn't help but feel that she went to way way too much bother. But still, it was fun. But next time Iz will have to dare to be different. Since the Iz has represented the Green Blitz party twice at home and now once away -it is time for a change. Time to discard the green and bring on the fluffy pink. Iz will play at being a fascist, rabid right wing uber bitch.
