Number 14 Privet Drive
31/12/2011 10:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
izmeinaIt was 10 years ago that Izzie first started reading the Potter books. It was kind of scary and uncanny reading descriptions of people so remarkably like the serpent parents on the very first page.
People who do not like books especially useless fiction rubbish, do not like mystical magical sorts of stuff and especially who do not like questions of any kind especially questioning of the Rules.
Being obsessed with law and order and the opinions of the neighbours is yet another one of those Dursleyish traits. They are card carrying members of the ‘hang ‘em and cane ‘em” brigade
So Vernon and Petunia were just the perfect nicknames. This turned out to be most amusing indeed with each new book. It seemed that there was rather more to Petunia than meets the eye
It turns out that the original Petunia and her doppelganger have rather more in common than Izzie ever imagined. The ma has got a strange magical streak that is becoming increasingly pronounced with each passing year. Not just the sixth sense but something else quite cute and quirky
Not just the row of old cast iron black cauldrons and the statue of a rooster with a rubber snake draped around it but the acquisition of chooks and some rather deviant views on what constitutes a proper Dursleyish garden
Recently she was annoyed about some neighbours who were complaining how much they hate jacaranda trees because they drop all those leaves and flowers and make such a mess. She was of the opinion that if that was all they had to worry about, it was time to get a life. Likewise she is not impressed with the council rules against keeping roosters due to the noise. So they would much rather listen to motor bikes and petrol heads revving their engines (Izzie has similar opinions on noise pollution)
Izzie replied about the leaves that she was a right one to talk as she used to be just as upset about having a single leaf land on her precious lawn and had us kids picking them all up. She would be out inspecting to make sure that there was not one single solitary leaf to be seen on the lawn. It turned the serpent off anything to do with gardening for years
Her reply to this amazed and impressed the Izzie. It was something along these lines
“That was years ago when I was young and foolish and did not know any better. But now I’m older and wiser and have learned to think differently about such things.”
She actually came out and admitted that she was mistaken. Now she won’t be caught dead using any kind of herbicides, insecticides, NPK fertilizer or any other quick fix chemical nasties
She got rid of the swimming pool several years ago as a waste of water and electricity and replaced it with a veggie patch which is now most lush and productive. The garden is getting more like The Burrow every day. It is wild and wonderful
But ten years on Old Vernon is as Dursleyish as ever. The last time the ma went overseas he got out the chainsaw and cut just about all the trees to the same height as the fence. It looked completely hideous. Izzie said that when the ma comes back she will be hanging him from one of them and he would damn well deserve it.
For some inexplicable reason he wrapped a chain around one of the largest and most productive avocado trees using it as leverage for some nefarious purpose. He almost ring barked the poor thing and it has never recovered its former glory. It now produces a handful of fruit compared to the hundred or so before this cruellest cut. He just hates green and growing things
She has not wanted to go overseas ever since and watches him like a hawk. He still manages to slash a few branches from her many trees here and there to restore order and Dursleyish decency
But his chainsaw finger has been getting itchy under her watchful gaze
Izzie returned from work on Tuesday to discover a bare and boring western wall with nothing but dust where a bunch of wattles had been. It was like they had never even existed and just looked so dead and depressing
He had left the bin on the verge full of dead tree bodies. Not only did he murder the poor wattles and cockies tongues but committed the unforgiveable sin of dumping all that precious nitrogen, carbon and gorgeous green stuff in the bin where it would get shipped off to landfill.
Petunia is constantly having to check that he is not throwing leaves or lawn clippings in the bin when they could be used as mulch, tossed on the compost heap or given as snacks to the girls
Rescued the big logs from the bin and used them as garden bed borders out the back as well as getting lots of the leaves and putting them on the bare ground as mulch. All that precious nitrogen is much too valuable to waste
This is not the first time he has come over uninvited and pulled up stuff that does not meet his dreary Dursleyish standards including some gorgeous local plants got as tube stock from a Kings Park plant sale with gorgeous red, yellow and orange flowers looking like flames. Probably some sort of eromophilia but never seen them since
He is probably going around all smug and self righteous complaining about his lazy bitch of a daughter who could not be bothered keeping her place looking decent and will get all uppity and indignant when Izzie complains about the chainsaw massacre
Today the bin has once again been miraculously filed and half the silver princess gum tree and grape vine have gone missing
Cunning critter that he is, always plans his adventures of plant destruction when the serpent is at work or ‘out on the town’ as he sneers
If there ever was a reason to embark on a garden blitz for the new year, then this is it. Time not to get mad but to get even. Already stocked up on mustard, fenugreek seeds and soya beans. Was hoping to get some alfalfa seeds but they were not in stock.
Pity it is not possible to plant chili, cacti or nettles on the verge where innocent fingers may come across them.
People who do not like books especially useless fiction rubbish, do not like mystical magical sorts of stuff and especially who do not like questions of any kind especially questioning of the Rules.
Being obsessed with law and order and the opinions of the neighbours is yet another one of those Dursleyish traits. They are card carrying members of the ‘hang ‘em and cane ‘em” brigade
So Vernon and Petunia were just the perfect nicknames. This turned out to be most amusing indeed with each new book. It seemed that there was rather more to Petunia than meets the eye
It turns out that the original Petunia and her doppelganger have rather more in common than Izzie ever imagined. The ma has got a strange magical streak that is becoming increasingly pronounced with each passing year. Not just the sixth sense but something else quite cute and quirky
Not just the row of old cast iron black cauldrons and the statue of a rooster with a rubber snake draped around it but the acquisition of chooks and some rather deviant views on what constitutes a proper Dursleyish garden
Recently she was annoyed about some neighbours who were complaining how much they hate jacaranda trees because they drop all those leaves and flowers and make such a mess. She was of the opinion that if that was all they had to worry about, it was time to get a life. Likewise she is not impressed with the council rules against keeping roosters due to the noise. So they would much rather listen to motor bikes and petrol heads revving their engines (Izzie has similar opinions on noise pollution)
Izzie replied about the leaves that she was a right one to talk as she used to be just as upset about having a single leaf land on her precious lawn and had us kids picking them all up. She would be out inspecting to make sure that there was not one single solitary leaf to be seen on the lawn. It turned the serpent off anything to do with gardening for years
Her reply to this amazed and impressed the Izzie. It was something along these lines
“That was years ago when I was young and foolish and did not know any better. But now I’m older and wiser and have learned to think differently about such things.”
She actually came out and admitted that she was mistaken. Now she won’t be caught dead using any kind of herbicides, insecticides, NPK fertilizer or any other quick fix chemical nasties
She got rid of the swimming pool several years ago as a waste of water and electricity and replaced it with a veggie patch which is now most lush and productive. The garden is getting more like The Burrow every day. It is wild and wonderful
But ten years on Old Vernon is as Dursleyish as ever. The last time the ma went overseas he got out the chainsaw and cut just about all the trees to the same height as the fence. It looked completely hideous. Izzie said that when the ma comes back she will be hanging him from one of them and he would damn well deserve it.
For some inexplicable reason he wrapped a chain around one of the largest and most productive avocado trees using it as leverage for some nefarious purpose. He almost ring barked the poor thing and it has never recovered its former glory. It now produces a handful of fruit compared to the hundred or so before this cruellest cut. He just hates green and growing things
She has not wanted to go overseas ever since and watches him like a hawk. He still manages to slash a few branches from her many trees here and there to restore order and Dursleyish decency
But his chainsaw finger has been getting itchy under her watchful gaze
Izzie returned from work on Tuesday to discover a bare and boring western wall with nothing but dust where a bunch of wattles had been. It was like they had never even existed and just looked so dead and depressing
He had left the bin on the verge full of dead tree bodies. Not only did he murder the poor wattles and cockies tongues but committed the unforgiveable sin of dumping all that precious nitrogen, carbon and gorgeous green stuff in the bin where it would get shipped off to landfill.
Petunia is constantly having to check that he is not throwing leaves or lawn clippings in the bin when they could be used as mulch, tossed on the compost heap or given as snacks to the girls
Rescued the big logs from the bin and used them as garden bed borders out the back as well as getting lots of the leaves and putting them on the bare ground as mulch. All that precious nitrogen is much too valuable to waste
This is not the first time he has come over uninvited and pulled up stuff that does not meet his dreary Dursleyish standards including some gorgeous local plants got as tube stock from a Kings Park plant sale with gorgeous red, yellow and orange flowers looking like flames. Probably some sort of eromophilia but never seen them since
He is probably going around all smug and self righteous complaining about his lazy bitch of a daughter who could not be bothered keeping her place looking decent and will get all uppity and indignant when Izzie complains about the chainsaw massacre
Today the bin has once again been miraculously filed and half the silver princess gum tree and grape vine have gone missing
Cunning critter that he is, always plans his adventures of plant destruction when the serpent is at work or ‘out on the town’ as he sneers
If there ever was a reason to embark on a garden blitz for the new year, then this is it. Time not to get mad but to get even. Already stocked up on mustard, fenugreek seeds and soya beans. Was hoping to get some alfalfa seeds but they were not in stock.
Pity it is not possible to plant chili, cacti or nettles on the verge where innocent fingers may come across them.
