The Lair of the Emerald Serpent

One seriously sizzled serpent slinks in for a quick squiggle. Considering kidnapping a legion of Dementors so they can lurk in the Lair so that at least if a serpent is miserable, it can be in iced and chilly cool comfort and not all hot, sticky and clammy.

Izzie is a member of a public speaking group and due to dropping numbers of members we have amalgamated with another mob which meet at 5.30pm on Wednesday evenings
Did not think this would be a problem at first. But last year was on holidays when this plan was announced and it was not a big deal.
This time is different. Not only has the day job become a total drain but it's been a stinking sizzler of a month and despite the best of intentions did not attend either the 9th or 16th meetings. Had every intention to but after returning from work and scrubbing the scales just did not feel up to the 2.30pm rush to catch the bus. A quick serpent snooze until 3pm and catching the 3.30 bus seemed a good idea at the time but would invariably turn off the alarm and keep snoozing until 4 or 5pm or something
But the Wednesday gone had to be different. Izzie has a policy of never chickening out on a speech. If you are allocated to do something then you turn up and it is non negotiable even if it's 40 celsius, raining cats and dogs and the city centre has just been flattened by floods or earthquakes
Not turning up and even worse not giving at least two weeks notice of non attendance is just the baddest of bad manners.
Problem was - had the topic of "Your favorite work of art" and not just 4 but 8 minutes to talk on this esoteric subject.
Would have brought in a real live fresh Broccoli Romanesco and used it as a bouncing board to talk about fractals and other such weirdness but the little buggers are well and truly out of season. Could do something from M C Escher but it would be best to have some large picture to actually show

Was just totally and completely uninspired. So at 2pm after slinking out of the shower, decided that as a last resort would talk about the book "Godel, Escher, Bach - an eternal golden braid" and would also bring in the piccie from Escher with the 3 snakes

Did come up with a logical sequence and structure for the story with tales of twisted Bermuda triangles and sea serpents that 'bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses"
Was almost tempted to end with the line "Mathematics - a magic beyond all we do here" but figured that since poor old Godel would be getting not too much of a mention due to lack of preparation, that bit would be best left out

The speech wasn't bad but it wasn't particularly good either. Was sort of annoyed for being so uninspired and so unprepared. But did not get too neurotic about it. Figured that it was infinitely preferable to do an OK or mediocre speech than to simply not turn up at all. Of course - the third option would have been to do lots more preparation and offer a feast of paradoxes and wicked strange loopy twists.
In that way could have talked lots about Godel as well as Escher and Bach as well as the significance this particular tome has played in the serpent existence which is actually quite huge


Strange loopy tail biting serpents are everywhere. You just got to have the eyes to see them

One of Izzie's real life creative indulgences is membership of a public speaking group which meets in the city at the ungodly hour of 7am on Fridays
We do things like answering questions without notice, meeting procedure and plain old speeches. Excellent training for wannabee politicians

Izzie got rostered on to do a speech last week on the unlikely and seemingly impossible topic of "Specialization is for Insects"
There were two of us doing four minute speeches on this topic and we both got the usual two weeks notice. But at 6.30 on the bus, was still totally and absolutely uninspired. So there was only one thing left to do - to consult the cards

Pulled three out of the pack and placed them in a row. Linking the three to form a story is the best possible outcome but just a source of ideas would be perfectly acceptable
So the Dark Grimoire fell open on the following pages

2 of Pentacles
Justice
5 of Swords

So the first speaker talked about mosquitoes as being flying syringes and not much else and other than their vampiric tendencies, then talked about the architectural marvels of bee hives and artistic merit of spider webs (spiders are not technically insects but who cares?)
Humans also have artistic and architectural talents but can do much other besides. We can specialize but don't have to get stuck in a rut

Izzie had a somewhat more twisted tale only tangential to the title

For centuries, humans have been perfectly horrid to poor little critters - zapping them with fly swats, Mortein, DDT, overworking poor bees and insulting them with nasty noxious toxic gm crops, sticking pins in butterflies and being generally obnoxious
But now it's payback time. Insects want their revenge on nasty stinking pesky humans and The treacherous serpent Izzie as their human representative in negotiations will outline their plan of attack unless we mend our wicked ways
This was sort of in the manner of a rather controversial assignment recently set by a secondary school teacher
Izzie's plan for biological and chemical warfare included strikes by bees and overtime for mosquitoes and bubonic plague infested fleas and maggot laying flies everywhere

Both speeches went down very well. The critic loved the serpent's sick sense of humour and noticed the link to that big beat up about the terrorism teacher in the paper that week. The fact that the talk was not quite on topic other than staring insects as the main protagonist did not seem to bother him at all.

After the meeting, it turned out that the other speaker had also not prepared properly and had relied on last minute inspiration. What makes it so amusing, none of the audience had any idea and Izzie would have sworn she spent ages getting the mozzie sound effects just right and arranging ideas into a logical and interesting sequence

This place is a good training ground for abandoning the usual boring cautiousness and learning how to improvise and wing it and most importantly at all - the art of learning to create a mask and hide behind it and to test it in a safe place before letting it loose where it counts
Bluffing and bamboozling with BS is a talent that the serpent does not have and desperately needs to develop rather than hiding in the corner totally convinced of our utter incompetence

Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed

Izzie is slinking about the nasty netcafe. Such a bummer after last night playing with the Preciousss and costing nothing but a cup of coffee which we would have bought anyway. During those 3 months at the ma's place, gotten so so used to never having to go near nasty netcafes and evilnet explorer -forgotten just how awful it is.

Well, today being Friday was the weekly public speaking group meeting. This week the Izzie was rostered on to do a five minute speech. But with a twist - usually there is a topic or theme which we are given but today it was about anything we wanted. So lazy Izzie decided to recyle the sad saga of Winky the house elf. Was so so funny. When the chairman asked for the titles of everyone's speeches (there was 3) everyone giggled when the Izzie gave hers. But we ended up getting not just the phrase of the day along the lines of Dolores being the union's Poster Girl of the Big Bad Boss but we also got the stirrer's spoon for the most cleverly disguised and insidious speech on industrial relations ever.

But the bad bad news. Downloaded next week's schedule ages ago and totally forgot that poor Izzie would be sitting in the hot seat. Yesss. Izzie is the chairwoman next week. A job infinitely more difficult than making up a five minute speech impromptu. Gotten a bit bored with parading the pink fluffiness and the evil Quill of Doom so will decide on another character to play in our role as big bad Bitch Boss. Maybe a grey suit,a pair of square glasses and a droning voice may work wonders. Yessss. Instead of a nasty cough and list of educational decrees, the Iz can announce anti-terrorism rules gagging debate and dissent of any kind.
And we can award big sacks of Telstra shares as bribes if threats don't work.

Naja. After that, feeling most pleased and surprised, pottered over to the park next door for an hour or two to sit in the sun and listen to the radio. At one stage, two very cute and nosy black swans came waddling by with the most adorably grey fluffy baby cygnets. They then pottered off to the gardener's sheds, plonked themselves down and refused to budge. Maybe it was time for morning munchies - cheese sandwiches or something.

Next stop was to return the wonderful adventures of "The Amazing Maurice and his educated rodents" to the library. Felt so so sad giving it back. Such a gorgeous book - not just a pretty cover but a wonderful story. Wicked and twisted - just the sort of tail that Izzie loves. Got out some new books including the very intriguing "The nature of things - the secret life of inanimate objects" by Lyall Watson" as well as renewing "American Gods" which is an interesting story so far. But not exactly rivetting and the writing style does not really do anything for the Izzie either. Will give the guy a chance though.
But the highlight of the day was visiting the art gallery and the show that started last Friday but we had not been able to find. Turns out this particular gallery has two buildings and the Izzie visited the wrong one. It is a collection of Theodore Geisel (Dr Seuss) artworks and things. Simply and utterly adorable. Izzie loves the quirky wickedness of Dr Seuss and has a most Grinchie attitude to Christmas.
Totally and utterly fell in love with the amazing Dr Seuss Zoo of unlikely animals. As well as various adorable pictures of these strange creatures, several of these species were adorning the walls as trophies in the sad style so reminiscent of Texan big game hunters. The Tufted Gustard, Mulberry Street Unicorn and Sawfish among some of these critters that the Iz would so like to have adopted - mind you with price tags of from 3,500 to 8,500 silver sickles - not likely. But it's a brilliant idea. And the Iz cannot help but think - the names are so so reminiscent of the sort of critters so beloved by Luna Lovegood. Maybe she is related. Was also some war cartoons and some really sweet adverts for Flit flyspray in those old fashioned cans.
But what really astonished Izzie - when commenting to the girl at the counter (a lot of the artworks were for sale as prints) how obviously Michael Leunig has been influenced by Dr Seuss, she had never even heard of him. The Iz was just simply amazed and flabbergasted.
Oh - just occured to the Izzie - another artist that he is remarkable similar to but hardly known in the Anglo-American world is A P Weber. He also was very fond of drawing crazy creatures but more nasty and less quirky than Dr Seuss or Leunig.
Yesss. Izzie is a shameless fan of cartoons of all kind - but strangely not of comics - except MAD magazine which we love.

Izzie has been basically brain dead since work on Wednesday. But we had a five minute speech to prepare for Friday. Already knew about this last week but was utterly uninspired.
Just been so edgy and irritable and totally incapable of rational thinking. The inner introvert is just screaming to just curl up in nice dark room and be bothered by nobody. It does not help when it is raining either. Not just because everywhere is wet and miserable but noise seems so much louder when it has been raining.

After a glass or two of red last night and vegging out for an hour or two online while listening to lots of nice music, finally seemed to calm down but was still uninspired concerning that speech. Never ever got around to mentioning it in Secret Diary Land last week looking for suggestions.
Also did not mention that last week's Word of the Day – not presented by Izzie but another club member was “Micro$haft Internet Exploiter” Got a lot of giggles and groans and moans of sympathy, that one. Poor Tony – our resident Bean Counter (a real one - not just a wannabee) was basically locked out of Cyberia because his browser crashed. He could get no mails or nothing and suspected he would end up spending a good few hours cleaning it up or reinstalling it or whatever things that geeks do when their computer crashes.

Izzie was quite astonished that so many people have only one browser – especially a wanky one such as IE. At the Ministry, before we got our Preciousss, you could have any browser you liked as long as it was Evilnet Exploiter and it pissed Izzie off no end to have no choice and to be continually getting “#$%^& has performed an illegal operation and will now shut down” or whatever damn thing it used to say.

So being very greedy and with pointers from the Computer Cat, we went and snatched Firefox and Opera, in addition to Safari and Camino which we already have. Safari does not like Simpy so now we just use it for visiting our usual lurks and save the pottering for Firefox

( more meeting stuff )

So, after reading the papers and indulging in the latest Izzie puzzle addiction, decided it was time for munchies at our usual haunt. Then we popped into a very nice Italian delicatessen with just the sorts of nibblies that Izzie loves – extra virgin olive oil, chocolate and lots of cheese. This is the first shop in Oz where Izzie has ever seen Irish cheese. Must be a new thing. Izzie is eternally in search of an affordable substitute for Appenzeller and Gruyere. There are so very nice Italian mountain cheeses that are similar but not many places have them. New Zealand has some pretty good versions too. This particular one looked almost possible.
But the catch of the day was the choccies. Izzie giggled herself silly seeing some dodgy Russian stuff amongst the Lindts and Hachez. The worst excuse for choccies Izzie ever tasted were made in Russia and East Germany. This one was called “Vernisaj” but what interested Izzie was not the posh snot name but the claim to being dark chocolate – 70% at that. Curiosity got the better of us. Will do the taste test tomorrow. Wonder if we will live to tell the tale.

So after that, dropped by the Lair to check our non existent mail and to pick up yet another Preciouss. Nearly finished reading “Chamber of Secrets” Saving the best bits for one of our sacred sites. Izzie never needs an excuse to read a Potter and next Tuesday being 21st June is a perfectly good one. After all, with 20/20 hindsight some time after 16th July, it will not be quite the same next time round.
And anyway, Izzie wants to put on her Sibyl hat and indulge in some Potter predictions.


Purely out of sheer badness, we have Dumbledore dying in a blaze of glory (or shall we make that duelling wands with Tom – why should Anakin have all the fun?) and poor little Ratty Peter Pettigrew mending his ways and abandoning the Dark Side. Oh and Kreachers' Ring. Will some nasty stinking thieveseses steal it from him?

It seems sort of fitting that the Keeper of the Phoenix should die in a fire of sorts.Or do fires only tickle magical folks like in the beginning of book 3?

Oh and Justin Finch whatever his name - Izzie does not think he is the Prince but we suspect not to have seen the last of either him or creepy Creavey
Izzie also thinks that Harry's ability to speak to serpents will once again come in useful and hopes that the Great White Witch finally feeds Ginny Weasley to some creature - maybe Aragog - oops. That will be Ron Weasley's fate

Anyone remember the chapter title "Spinners' End"? No. We ain't seen the last of hairy scary spiderses. Wonders if Kreacher is friendses with it. Everyone seems to have forgotten about Winky and Kreacher!

The stone that the builders rejected shall become the cornerstone ;)