izmeina: creepy spooky old house infested with crawling critters (spooky)
For the first time since the start of August, Izzie has finally managed to find herself in the zone where a million muses offer inspiration but unable to take proper advantage of it until an hour ago.
It was actually this morning that the inspiration arrived for the very first time since the arrival of the latest nasty and very vicious Howler on the afternoon of Tuesday 31st July. It was almost as if the Old Toad knew that this serpent was plotting and planning and she wanted to sabotage our efforts. There is no way she could know unless she really does come from Stasiland where they know stuff even before it happens and make it up if they don't.

Paid a visit to Petunia on Tuesday so missed a whole day of nano squiggling. That is one very bad and dangerous habit. It takes so long to catch up and the lost words can so quickly accumulate

But today was the big day. Such a pity it was not really possible to make the most of it due to various things that had to be done today in preparation for tomorrow morning’s Grand Inquisition

Not posted a single thing about this latest instalment of the drama that is Toad Hall (also known as the day job) Wasted two Camp Nano days on composing a response to the outrageous allegations and have not been able to build up a sufficient word stash to take time out to tell this particular toadish tale in all its gory details

Several times both on the train and the bus was bombarded with brilliant ideas but was not within quick reach of pen and paper and so had to use the old serpent skull as storage space.
Did manage to snatch a copy of Animalia at the library as well as pay a visit to the art gallery with those creepy Alistair Crowley pictures and the assorted demonic sigils, sculptures and paper cut creepy crawlies including Baalzebub - The Lord of the Flies himself.
The grand original plan of writing one 2,000 word story per day did not work due to that ever so meddlesome toad sapping the spark out of this serpent and turning the ickle green cells to zombie mush. So resorted to just plodding along and writing 300 words here and another 200 there all the while hoping for inspiration to strike
It was only the sniffing out of a significant piece of written evidence that proves that not one but three different goblins are involved in ‘bearing false witness’ that the Izzie could finally calm down and relish the chance of our ‘day in court’ making these guttersnipes gobble shit sandwiches
Today was so relaxed and calm. Was finally able to remain in the present moment for the first time in weeks. It makes such a big difference to creativity.
But did end up crashing around 7pm when some creepy creatures got on the bus. Was suddenly overtaken by tiredness. The original plans to return to the Lair by 7pm got amended by an unexpected encounter with an old acquaintance.

So being too dark in the dungeon to properly see the tarot cards, got out that copy of Animalia. You know you have too many books when you have to go to the library to borrow one you already own because you cannot find it.
So set up a separate chapter and started at the letter A.
By the letter C we had hit a veritable gold mine. The main feature of the picture are a bunch of crimson cats sitting by a creek. One is wearing a cap, another snacking on crayfish, another wearing a collar and a camera while yet another plays with a calculator. They also have a party with candles, cake and cups of coffee while in the distance crows nest in a castle on a hill.
Came up with a character called Catriona Cardassian who loves the champagne and caviar lifestyle but has to manage on a beer budget. She gets out her calculator to work out the cost of her planned Caribbean cruise and cannot think of a way to collect the necessary cash. She then has the inspired idea to open a Cat Holiday Home offering respite for fussy Cats and their staff
So far we have gotten to describing the castle, the main foyer and dining room with the candelabra, chandeliers, and silver service dining experience
And how can we forget the obligatory mission statements and assorted company posters extolling their ‘creme de la creme’ of cat care services”

Turreted towers boast beautiful views of birds while flags with little Hello Kitty cats on them adorn the entrance of the castle. In the foyer sits a little old lady behind a counter knitting little mittens for kittens while waiting for the occasional phone inquiry or Cat lover to collect or drop off their darling charges into Catriona’s tender loving care
A dining room with linen table cloths and silver service bowls can be seen from the entrance. The cats drink certified biodynamic double cream from Jersey cows out of Czech lead crystal bowls and feast on sumptious silver platters of crayfish, lobster, caviar and cod. Vegetarian cats are catered for with cucumber sandwiches.
Chandeliers hang from the dining room ceiling and there are pure beeswax candles on every table
Prominently displayed on every table is a parchment menu in perfect copper plate script. No mass produced dodgy photocopies or some snappy crap from the local print shop but each individually written long hand with love.
Pride of place is given to the Mission Statement (to please the inner pussy) and Vision For Catfish Creature Comforts Castle

Every Cat is a cherished cat
Our marvellous moggies are at the centre of everything we do. A quality carefree experience is guaranteed
Protection, perfection, passion and politeness for your precious pussy
Catriona personally does the guided tours of the premises for prospective Resident Cats and their staff including the spacious gardens and sun house. She is such a stickler for perfection and attention to detail
The gardens are truly a magnificent sight. A copse of cherry trees and assorted rocks along with bird attracting shrubs. For the less ambitious or mobility impaired felines there is the Mouse House where they can feast on little creatures with little effort required. Of course this is not necessary as their nutritional needs are perfectly catered for by our team of qualified chefs. A dietician assesses each individual cat’s needs to ensure that they get the correct age appropriate mix of protein, vitamins and trace elements essential to the feline well being. But a cat needs to indulge her natural instincts so we have provided mouse catching and other occupational therapy activities to create a stimulating environment for your very precious pet.
A number of cats lounge languidly on large cushy chairs looking quite content. Some have little tails hanging out of their mouths while others paws are adorned with feathers
Others are content to simply sit in the sun watching the fish swimming about in the enormous aquarium.


But of course all that glitters is not silver.
No one gives a rat’s arse about old people but try running a Cat haven the way a certain nursing home is managed then there would be massive public outrage
So the Izzie is going to have a pile of fun taking the piss big time out of these dirty goblins. And there won’t even be any need to keep the finished tale under lock and key
Payback is such a bitch
When life hands you lemons, squeeze them till the pips squeak and make lemon champagne
izmeina: (Scabbers)
It's more than two weeks ago now since the ma and pa returned from their overseas adventures. Izzie never did get around to mentioning her most peculiar sister and the most utterly gorgeous prezzies that she got for the Iz. Not just the evil green fairy in a bottle and a very yummie box of choccies made by a mob called Australian Home Made but which the Iz has never seen in all her years in Oz.
But the pride of place must surely go to the cutest and cuddliest Cat on the planet. As if she wasn't gorgeous enough, the Izzie sister (whom we shall call Daisy) enclosed the most utterly adorable card with a picture of a hamster nibbling a house made of chocolate. But it was what she said in the card that made it utterly priceless for the Izzie


“Dear Iz,
Mum has been telling me all about your problem. A rodent that follows you around helping himself to your cheese and drinking all your wine. Dirty Rat!

Felinda may look all sweetness and pearls but be warned, she has a nasty streak. She'll put Ratty in his place.”

And along with the Queen of Cats she sent along the cutest catalogue. The Izzie turned to the pages especially for grown up kids to discover some very daggy doggies, most mean moggies and the wickedly wonderful Wall Street Kids which included a bear, a bull, a donkey, a most cuddly vulture and yesssss. You guessed it - “Black Friday” – the biggest and baddest and blackest of Rats. (Izzie thinks that John Woodrow Wilson Howard would be a much better name for this bad little bastard)


Needless to say, Vernon and Petunia think it is silly to be giving cuddly creatures to fat fortyish old farts such as Izzie but unlike the pair of them, Daisy gives the Izzie and other people presents that they actually do like rather than ones that they SHOULD like and that makes all the difference. Twenty years from now, Ferocious Felinda will still have pride of place in the Izzie collection along with Wicked Wormtail.

Oh they would have such a fit if they ever seen the latest rat to join the Serpent's inner circle. The Iz went to the markets in search for another bouncie froggie just like the one we got for our ickle niecie which she absolutely adores. Never mind that all the grown ups says that Froggie looked ever so scary (like a cross between Gollum and a very green python) But the froggies were not to be found. Not only that – but after 15 years they were closing down and everything was 20% off. Izzie had long long had her eye on the little rat with the broomstick and witch's hat. But the original price of 25 silver sickles was just a bit too decadent. Also got a very bright blue frill necked lizard, a red gecko and a green echidna.
Years ago, Daisy gave the Izzie a little mouse from the same mob. They are not personally made by one Barbara Samsoni but all have her name. The little critters are very bright and colourful and supposed to be hand made in Sri Lanka. But the attention to detail and the workmanship is so amazing that Izzie is convinced that there's an army of house elves making the little critters. The fabric also looks handwoven too. They are just very very beautiful and the Iz indulged just a bit more than she could afford. So three of these critters are for a cousin's new baby (does that make Izzie a great aunt? Not very good at these complicated relationship names thingies)
Or maybe we should give her two of them and the third one can be for Daisy's baby – as it was her after all who introduced Izzie to these beautiful beings. And they are the sort of thing that would be kept and treasured long after other toys and things are thrown away.

Poor Petunia just doesn't know where she went wrong. Us three little Dursleys are such a disgrace to the family name. Quirky and strange and anything but normal.

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izmeina: a snippet of Escher's circle of serpents (Default)
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May 2025

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