The Lair of the Emerald Serpent

What better way to spend the darkest days than indulging in a monsterfest? But there’s so little time and so many to choose.
The museum mummies were already scheduled for 6pm on Friday at the State Library.

Thursday was a gorgeous sunny day so it seemed a shame to spend the precious hours of daylight indoors just to get the cheapskate before 5pm rates. Had the inspired idea of using the free movie club members ticket to go after dark.
So it was a choice between Monsters University and World War Z. The zombies lost that round. This was not helped by looking at the trailer and thinking that it looked suspiciously like yet another silly action adventure saga. And why where they hiding the zombies when they are supposed to be the stars of the show?

Monsters University was one of those happy ending tales where the underdog wins through sheer perseverance and hard work rather than an abundance of talent. But it was fun to feast the Izzie eyes on all the adorable creatures - especially slinky and sneaky Randall. He so deserves his own series.

Friday was time to visit the museum. Did not go to see the real mummies in the presently running “Secrets of the Afterlife” exhibition. Once again the weather was simply too gorgeous to be wasted indoors.

The creature feature at 6pm was on the topic of mummies as portrayed in the movies, cartoons, television and assorted media.

The speaker introduced the topic and took the opportunity to promote her other work concerning the Marquis de Sade in the movies, 9/11 and the rise of torture porn and similar squeamish stuff

It was such a pity that she had to mutilate such fascinating material with endless rabbiting on about Marxist and feminist theory, Freudian analysis, dialectical materialism and the post modern cultural studies mob favourite buzzword of all ‘interrogating the text’

( More monsters )

What seems like centuries ago before the recent cane toad infestation, the serpent attended a movie night organized by an amazing bunch of greenies.

Every month they show one film on the theme of green. It began as a street community building thing but word got around and soon other folks started turning up.
The movie was held in a crazy place called Replants which is dedicated to rescuing local vegetation from the chainsaw and dump truck of developers. They rescue the trees and other plants and offer them for resale at reasonable rates. Their site features assorted spooky weeds and trees. They have offered the building as a location for the movies but outside in the garden they have a bonfire in the midst of the creepy plants and a couple of cauldrons brewing full of soup, lentils, rice and other usually kosher munchies.

Izzie was in a bit of a tizzy for her first visit in the middle of June. But even so could recognize the magical atmosphere and the beautiful food. Never did snap out of the zombie psychotic state but vow to return again next time when much more able to appreciate it.
The movie that first night was called “Bag it” and it was about one American and his attempt to avoid using disposable plastic shopping bags.

Was ever so miffed that the movie supposed to start at 7.15 did not get going until some 30 minutes later. Most of the folks attending were locals but the serpent was relying on the Floo network to get back to the Lair. The bus stop was right outside the door but needed to be at the Canning bridge before 10.30 to catch the last bus and it was a bus and a train ride to get there.
But once the film started soon got lost in the adventure and soon forgot the muddled mad serpent mind. Can distinctly remember seeing the scenes from the local town where the film maker was based and the rivalry with another for some tidy town competition. This pretty town with old buildings on the main street had a backdrop of snowy mountains and could have easily been in the Alps but it was some place in Colorado. Izzie thought “How gorgeous” It was not sponsored by any tourism commission but certainly looked like a stunningly beautiful place to visit.

It was a strange sort of movie. It was thought provoking and seriously scary but not miserable and depressing like so many documentaries about the environment. Best line ever

“There is no ‘away’”




Never did get to see the whole thing due to the bus business but will definitely keep an eye out for it.
Now one month later they had another film called “Growthbusters”. The producer had already been featured on “Late Night Live’ so was definitely looking forward to this one. It was the story of a single solitary citizen taking on the whole “Growth is Good’ mantra of goblins and economists

( Spooky Places and People )

There’s more to life than battling bitchy cane toads. It is just such a pity that they are so invasive of both time and space. Toads with long sticky forked tongues and big black ribbons on their heads are even more monstrous. Worst of all is that all the grand plans for next year’s overseas adventures have to be put on hold. Even the annual slink down to the gorgeous Eden Vale cannot be counted on.

But it has not stopped the Izzie slinking about the art galleries, going to plays and watching weird movies and plotting assorted zombie adventures for August

Had two recent movies on the wish list and chose “Snow White” to see first as it likely has the shortest shelf life in the cinemas. One big advantage of the day job is the ability to take advantage of all those off peak specials. The cheap movies before 5pm is a favorite. It’s even better when the pimply young things behind the ticket counter give Izzie the senior’s discount.
Now if only the bus drivers would be so nice. Could save a fortune.

Snow White definitely could do with a lot more daggers and razor blades. It needs some serious slicing and dicing and half the film should have remained on the cutting room floor.
Loved the little Snow White as a twelve year old. She was pretty rather than beautiful and was far more convincing as a gorgeous caring soul than her later pale vampire incarnation.

But the real star of the show was Ravenna. From her Trojan Horse number to her strange tastes for flesh and milk baths and those wicked twisted magical powers. Now why Ravenna had blond hair just did not make sense. The pair of them should have swapped wigs. Loved the whole Dorian Grey stuff of sucking the vitality out of young virgin girls and turning them into shrivelled empty shells. She would make an excellent dementor. Those flocks of cranky birds and her costumes were also most impressive indeed. But aside from the magic mushrooms in the fairy forest, the rest of the story was pathetic. Gotten rather tired of Lord of the Rings and Narnia wannabees by now. Got so bored that the Izzie actually fell asleep several times during the movie.

Never even seen any of the Twilight movies other than those awful trailers and never got further than the first book but still could think of nothing but sparkly vampires every time the silly bimbo appeared. And yesss we know it is a fairy story but it is a bit hard to swallow that a pampered princess who gets locked in the north tower of Hogwarts is able to escape, navigate her way around the castle in the dark, slide down the sewers, escape the giant squid and swim to safety. The Joan of Arc ‘saving people’ thing got ever so tiring. The whole thing was definitely a very derivative painting by numbers affair. Too many goblins running the show.

The same day also paid a visit to a certain old lunatic asylum for the last days of the Shaun Tan Suburban Odyssey art exhibition. Unfortunately due to the presence of hordes of squealing rampaging beasties, the Izzie was not quite in the mood to appreciate the spookiness. Once again lots of crows and strange monster like beasties passing themselves off as trees.

But the big one we are saving for tomorrow. Friday 13th would have been perfect but had other unalterable plans that day. A certain beastly artist works have surfaced from the dungeons of darkest Paris to surface on the outskirts of suburban Perth. Well not quite. That place is far too Dursleyish to be deserving of his demonic doodlings
So far the grand plan for tomorrow is a morning with the dinosaurs of Scitech before pottering off to admire the art of other beastly creatures

Here’s hoping that it is a toad free zone

Izzie’s been in exile from Cyberia for the last three days. Just too many interesting things going on in the mundane muggle world

Thursday was on the coffee trail. Nothing particularly significant but getting off the bus several stops early near Seventh Avenue and noticing several bunches of clover like weeds was a good omen. It meant being in the present and being able to enjoy and be inspired by all the little things
Friday was a big day out. First was a visit to Toodyay with an old friend. Toodyay is a country town about an hour away on the train from the big smoke. It sort of resembles Bridgetown but is not quite as lush and green. Winter is the peak of tourism season there as it gets terribly hot in summer.

On our previous visit in March 2010 the gorgeous cafe upstairs on the balcony was closed. This time we were in luck. Or so it seemed. Turns out the cafe on the balcony is still there but it is under new management. These people are not the brightest lights on the Christmas tree and a few sandwiches short of a picnic. But putting on the impartial Martian hat, it was amusing watching the antics of the Louisiana Swamp Monster in her boiler suit dishing up her New Orleans Style cuisine.

There were more swamp monsters rampaging around on the train journey home. Unlike the trip down where the train was nearly empty, on the way back it was packed and was not able to sit with our witchy friend. So took the opportunity to get out that little black and gold book and catch up on the body count and the rest of the drama at the Cornucopia.

But there were more spooky and scary adventures in store for this serpent. ecosopher one of our friends from Nanoland invited the Izzie to a German film festival to see a movie with the intriguing title of “Hell”

The pitch is a story set some time in the future when everything is hotter and drier, most of mainland Europe is some sort of post apocalyptic wasteland. And maybe there’s zombies
Izzie just loves a dire doomy gloomy Dystopia (even one with never ending sunshine) and this sounds like just our cup of hemlock.

Here is the official 'pitch'

Literally translated as ‘bright’, the film is set in a future world where food is scarce, it doesn’t rain and the sun is very powerful. Two sisters and a male friend exist in this tough environment where survival is problematic. When they encounter another man, their very existence is challenged until they eventually arrive at a commune that may be able to solve their food issues. This debut feature by Tim Fehlbaum is a challenging, atmospheric film with simmering tensions and a powerful sense of society under threat

It started at a spooky abandoned service station and felt vaguely reminiscent of The Hitcher and other assorted Highway 666 horror stories. This was a place where people would kill for a can of petrol or bottle of water.

( Bright and Shiny Tales )

Many of the cafes that Izzie visits have little stands of free postcards. Most promote the work of up and coming artists who find it a useful way to get their work out there. Other are produced by various commercial or non profit group with an agenda with a means of getting their message across to a certain demographic. Even the political parties and federal government are not averse to using this cheapskate form of promotion

But recently the stands contained something unusual. Little black booklets with a pretty golden eagle on the cover and the invitation to read the first chapter of The Hunger Games before seeing the movie

Oh it will be interesting to see what all the fuss is about thinks the Izzie tossing one of these intriguing birdy booklets into the depths of the evil green bag along with assorted tarot decks
Like the title but had just assumed this was some Twilight teen saga about teenage girls on some sort of extreme makeover and dieting binge with a bit of Survivor tossed in for good measure
A bit frivolous and silly and not exactly this serpent’s cup of tea.

That was until a big blurb in the local weekend paper two weeks ago. There was a huge feature story on the sudden explosion of ‘Dystopian Fiction’ with “The Hunger Games” touted as the most extreme example
Now Izzie is a total Dystopia junkie and was all over this article looking for the latest greatest fix of gloom and doom
The rules of the game were explained and suddenly the serpent was sniffing out that little booklet gathering dust in the green bag

( Don't Fear the Reaper )

The Izzie has been absent from Cyberia for nearly a week now. Too much sensory overload in mundane muggle life without completely blowing the circuits by slinking about in Cyberia
Decided to be a bit adventurous last Wednesday. After reading a fascinating review and watching a wonderful trailer, could not let a certain Roman soldier come to town without paying our respects. Turns out that he was lurking in only one location.
Wednesday was their cheap flicks day. Resisted the temptation to slink there straight from work. Nothing less than a good ten minute shower to scrub away the toxic vibes from that mad house would be sufficient

It’s amazing what an effective and reliable mood enhancing device lots of warm water can be.
At 2.10pm was standing at the end of the road waiting for the bus and within thirty minutes was standing on the pedestrian overpass at the Leederville train station. Must do this cheap movie thing more often.

But best of all was having time for a proper coffee before the film started just after 4pm
Was a bit miffed that the movie had been moved from the big screen to one of the smaller cinemas. But the screen was not quite as tiny as it seemed from memory.






It was even better than the trailer promised. The protest marches, live reports from the Roman bread riots and rebel insurrections on “Fidelius TV” and hordes of slimy senators and assorted sleazy creatures made it a most fascinating tale indeed. There were also the cute little touches of bunches of soldiers hanging around in front of a wall covered in graffiti such as "Illegitimi non carborundum" or shady senators doing deals on their mobile phones.
But what was particularly impressive was that after the first five minutes or so you could forget that most of the dialogue was some 400 years old.
It so brought back memories of that wonderful version of Richard 3rd starring Ian MacKellen.

The serpent had only one complaint about the drama. With the might of the SS behind him, lots of evil green lightses and hordes of Volscian soldiers on the rampage, there was absolutely no excuse for Ralph Fiennes not to nuke those Romans back into the stone ages starting with his bimbo wife and that annoying fat little kid of his who was always playing soldiers
Vanessa Redgrave starred as the hero soldier's mother and she was a right old dragon. Occasionally she looked uncannily like Maggie Smith in her Minerva McGonnagall incarnation.
Hoping to see another star studded film later this week (Margin Call). Wonders what Shakespeare would have done with sub prime mortgages and credit default swaps.

It's been a strange week in Izzieland. Most likely the wettest and most miserable winter in a long long time. Well - that's not quite right. June was magnificent. Dry, crisp and crunchy cold weather with a big fat juicy moon and all that for the shortest days.
Never did get to make the most of the darkness due to two street lights being out of action for two whole weeks as it rained for most of them.
Was lazy and did not get up early Friday for the Granny Group but stayed curled up snoozing. Did not get up until just after 12 and then went back for another snooze between 2 and 4. Seriously sad indeed. More of the same on Sunday except the minor matter of work between 3 and 9pm
The strange thing - not sick or depressed or anything and there's tons of stuff to be done around the place and not all of it is boring. Books to be read, cards to drool over and toys to be played with. But just no interest at all in doing any of them. Is sort of like the Izzie pilot light has gotten blown out and not quite worked out yet how to reignite it.
Monday was the one day that was the exception to the rule - quite the opposite in fact. From getting the bus back to the Lair from work at 1.20 pm, scrubbed the scales, had lunch and got two busses and a train to one of the quaint little cafe strip suburbs all in the space of two hours. It was a grey day and would have been perfectly happy to curl up for yet another afternoon snooze. But the Izzie had free tickets to see the latest Batman movie and it was for 6.30pm Monday 28th July or not at all.
Turns out that a snooze would have been a better use of our time but of course it was not possible to know that without 20/20 hindsight.
It was basically two and a half hours of brain dead blood, guts and violence and most definitely only for very dedicated Bat heads. But in spite of all this so called action - they were all a bunch of boring old farts with only one exception. The Joker was way the best critter in the whole caper. Just loved his total wackiness. In some strange way - this crazy psychopath and Master of Chaos was more sane and logical than the rest. He also had all the best lines and the coolest calling cards.
He also had an uncanny resemblance to two of the residents in the nursing home where Izzie works - one zombie like ice queen with a creepy slimy stare and the other a really cute grandma with a big smile and who loves poking out her tongue and making faces at people but in a friendly rather than freaky way.

With all the wonderful whizz bang technology - cell phones, internet and stuff - to start the saga with a bunch of hoons doing an old fashioned 'mow em down' bank robbery was more than a joke. Serious criminals - we don't think so. And Donald Rumsfield must have been one of the script writers. Ended up losing count of all the 'ticking time bomb' scenarios as an excuse to indulge in all sorts of torture.
There was one seriously slimy lawyer sort - blond blue eyed Aryan super hero sort with the obligatory square chin. Was so so hoping that some truly awful fate would befall him and was not disappointed. That's when it started to get interesting. Two jokers for the price of one would have been most intriguing indeed
Due to the constraints of the Floo Network - had to leave just before 9pm so missed the last 10-15 mins but got the feeling not to have missed much. Knew it was not long after as was still waiting for the bus when all the folks started streaming out of the cinema

Will most definitely be lurking on youtube to see if the juicy Joker snippets get posted there. Just loved the one with the loads of loot. Izzie's inner goblin thinks it was the best scene of all. So so many wicked one liners - cannot quite remember them all. But the rest is pretty forgettable. Now the Izzie is ever so tempted to see the Tim Burton Batman as we bet it would be so so much better and maybe's got a bit of brains. This thing had all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. The nearest film that comes to mind was "Natural Born Killers' or "Pulp Fiction" - those being the only films that this serpent has ever walked out on. The only thing as bad as neverending gratuitious violence is a seemingly aimless and pointless plot. And all three movies had all of that in abundance

Been a long long time since Izzie's been to a movie - The Golden Compass was the last one. Was intending to see "The Counterfeiters" but never did get around to it and just found out that today was the last day. Maybe there'll be a DVD. Much better than Batman we bet.