What Would Dale Carnegie Do?
21/10/2021 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
izmeina“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is almost a code word for manipulation and corny tracts for increasing sales.
But there is actually a method behind the madness. A reason why this old fashioned fuddy duddy He Man language ancient tome has survived the test of time.
The central theme of the book is about how to get what you want by giving the other party what they want. By seeing them as human and centring their desires to be respected, acknowledged and flattered as a way of getting what you want.
It is the difference between the signs “Smoking is strictly prohibited” vs “Thank you for not smoking”
And even more central to the message - if it’s honey you want, then you don’t start by kicking over the bee hive.
I gave this book to Daisy Dursley centuries ago. While she found it terribly twee and full of the most ridiculous male chauvinist assumptions and examples - it is 100 years old after all, she did recognise the validity of the central message and made it part of her MO for getting shit done.
This sort of thing comes naturally to her. Autistic creature that I am, it is far more of an effort. I am far far more likely to channel Severus Snape than Dale Carnegie.
I also shared with her stories about the Nudge Unit which she used in her husband’s business with the result that they had a string of months where all their clients paid their bills on time for several months in a row (until hubby slacked off and stopped sending the nudge bill reminders)
This very week, the power of this approach has paid off in spades.
I recently embarked on the crazy mission of getting a shower installed in the laundry since my bathroom has the shower incorporated with a bathtub which involves climbing into the tub. Not an ideal situation for getting old or post op so I bit the bullet and got a plumber to instal a shower downstairs. Which gobbled up my 2020 Amsterdam adventure stash and more besides.
If I had known it would be such a drama, I would never had bothered in the first place but things came to a head recently.
I had specified that I wanted a shower with an adjustable rail so that I could change the height but the plumber ignored my clear instructions and installed the detachable shower head with one fixed point that is so high I could barely reach it. And that’s before I shrink with age.
I was at work when they did this last Friday and was pretty peeved.
After other distractions, I finally got around to writing an email expressing my dissatisfaction with the state of affairs. But first I sent it to Daisy for approval
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with adjustable height so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also specified this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable height shower from the original quote.
I need you to fix the showerhead fittings so that I can adjust the height in order to be able to use it in its full functionality.
A taxi will be picking me up next Tuesday. It will need to park in the driveway which is presently not possible due to the pile of rubble which has been there since the middle of September.
So I would appreciate it being removed before then
Kind regards
She spotted the snark straight away and suggested some tweeks
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with an adjustable shower rail so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also mentioned this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable shower rail from the original quote.
It would be wonderful to find the adjustable shower rail installed when I return home after my operation so that I can enjoy an effortless shower.
Kind regards
So I sent the revised email this morning and got a reply from the plumber that he would come around today and fix it.
Not only did he replace the single hook with the adjustable height shower rail that I had originally requested but he also put back the washing machine which had to be removed while the renovations were in progress and also cleared away the rubble on the drive way.
What was so amusing was that I had mentioned the rubble in the original but not the revised version but he took it away anyway. (According to the scope of works, they were supposed to supply a skip on site to remove such stuff as they went along but that is another matter entirely)
So it turns out that I will have my downstairs shower ready for use post op after all.
The job is almost complete except for the shower screen which still needs to be installed.
But the one sentence that Daisy suggested has made all the difference and proved beyond all reasonable doubt that thinking “What would Dale Carnegie do? Is an excellent approach when dealing with any tricky situation involving other people.
How many writers can claim such testimonials a century after writing a book?
I sent her the pictures of the rubble free driveway, the washing machine back in its usual spot and of course the bright shiny new adjustable shower rail. She was very happy to see them and even rang to get the gossip straight from the serpent’s mouth.
.
But there is actually a method behind the madness. A reason why this old fashioned fuddy duddy He Man language ancient tome has survived the test of time.
The central theme of the book is about how to get what you want by giving the other party what they want. By seeing them as human and centring their desires to be respected, acknowledged and flattered as a way of getting what you want.
It is the difference between the signs “Smoking is strictly prohibited” vs “Thank you for not smoking”
And even more central to the message - if it’s honey you want, then you don’t start by kicking over the bee hive.
I gave this book to Daisy Dursley centuries ago. While she found it terribly twee and full of the most ridiculous male chauvinist assumptions and examples - it is 100 years old after all, she did recognise the validity of the central message and made it part of her MO for getting shit done.
This sort of thing comes naturally to her. Autistic creature that I am, it is far more of an effort. I am far far more likely to channel Severus Snape than Dale Carnegie.
I also shared with her stories about the Nudge Unit which she used in her husband’s business with the result that they had a string of months where all their clients paid their bills on time for several months in a row (until hubby slacked off and stopped sending the nudge bill reminders)
This very week, the power of this approach has paid off in spades.
I recently embarked on the crazy mission of getting a shower installed in the laundry since my bathroom has the shower incorporated with a bathtub which involves climbing into the tub. Not an ideal situation for getting old or post op so I bit the bullet and got a plumber to instal a shower downstairs. Which gobbled up my 2020 Amsterdam adventure stash and more besides.
If I had known it would be such a drama, I would never had bothered in the first place but things came to a head recently.
I had specified that I wanted a shower with an adjustable rail so that I could change the height but the plumber ignored my clear instructions and installed the detachable shower head with one fixed point that is so high I could barely reach it. And that’s before I shrink with age.
I was at work when they did this last Friday and was pretty peeved.
After other distractions, I finally got around to writing an email expressing my dissatisfaction with the state of affairs. But first I sent it to Daisy for approval
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with adjustable height so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also specified this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable height shower from the original quote.
I need you to fix the showerhead fittings so that I can adjust the height in order to be able to use it in its full functionality.
A taxi will be picking me up next Tuesday. It will need to park in the driveway which is presently not possible due to the pile of rubble which has been there since the middle of September.
So I would appreciate it being removed before then
Kind regards
She spotted the snark straight away and suggested some tweeks
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with an adjustable shower rail so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also mentioned this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable shower rail from the original quote.
It would be wonderful to find the adjustable shower rail installed when I return home after my operation so that I can enjoy an effortless shower.
Kind regards
So I sent the revised email this morning and got a reply from the plumber that he would come around today and fix it.
Not only did he replace the single hook with the adjustable height shower rail that I had originally requested but he also put back the washing machine which had to be removed while the renovations were in progress and also cleared away the rubble on the drive way.
What was so amusing was that I had mentioned the rubble in the original but not the revised version but he took it away anyway. (According to the scope of works, they were supposed to supply a skip on site to remove such stuff as they went along but that is another matter entirely)
So it turns out that I will have my downstairs shower ready for use post op after all.
The job is almost complete except for the shower screen which still needs to be installed.
But the one sentence that Daisy suggested has made all the difference and proved beyond all reasonable doubt that thinking “What would Dale Carnegie do? Is an excellent approach when dealing with any tricky situation involving other people.
How many writers can claim such testimonials a century after writing a book?
I sent her the pictures of the rubble free driveway, the washing machine back in its usual spot and of course the bright shiny new adjustable shower rail. She was very happy to see them and even rang to get the gossip straight from the serpent’s mouth.
.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-21 11:59 pm (UTC)Vinegar vs Honey
Date: 2021-10-24 03:00 pm (UTC)This whole idea that promises are made to be broken and appointment times are mere recommendations makes life so exhausting and unpredictable.
The job was at least 6 weeks behind schedule. The office booked in the job to start on Tuesday 24th August and sent me detailed confirmation along with the small print explaining the penalties if I cancelled. But then on the day they simply did not show up. They were supposed to arrive at 7.30am but 8am came and went and then 9 and every time I rang the office I got some BS about we will get back to you.
They eventually got back to me but were just full of excuses. They had a whole week's notice to make sure staff were rostered on for the job. I felt like such an idiot because I even rang the hospital to see if I was scheduled for my op because I did not want to book and then cancel.
Turned out that the left hand did not know what the right hand was doing. In the end, they did not actually start doing the drains and stuff until 15th September but not before sending the electrician out to move the power points but without bothering to tell me.
So it took Herculean effort to keep the inner snark on a leash. In fact, the only reason I did not call the whole thing off after endless repeat performances of such nonsense was that I could not bear the drama of trying to get my $3,000 deposit back.
I figured that following my sister's strategy offered the best chance of getting what I wanted.
It seems to be a universal problem. Not just the plumbers but the nursing home - that so many work places just wing it and have no procedures to make sure that information gets passed to the right people in a timely manner.
I do hope that will not be the case at the hospital.
no subject
Date: 2021-10-23 04:20 pm (UTC)Would it work on me? I dunno, on one hand maybe yes, I'd think that this customer is nice and writes eloquently. On the other hand, there are so many sites which try to appeal to the viewer's generosity in order to turn off the adblocker, and I just think "haha, fuck you, losers". Same (even more so) if they try to guilt-trip me into turning it off, or into subscribing. But then, it's different, because ads are clearly evil, and everything which involves them is clearly a manipulation, but doing your job well is valuable in itself...
Inscrutable Humans
Date: 2021-10-24 03:39 pm (UTC)I don't have any research to back my position but I suspect that most people act in good faith and like to think of themselves as decent people. There are also those who need to be needed. So an opportunity to do a bit of virtue signalling can be a handy hack.
So by appealing to their better angels rather than getting them on the defensive by mentioning all the things they have done wrong, it's more likely to get the desired result.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Do you know the story of the wind and the sun having a bet to see who could get a man to take off his coat? It's the same idea in different clothing.
The guy did realize his mistake. I just think he didn't care.
When I got the quote for the shower renovation, he sent 2 pictures of possible shower fittings and I chose the one with the adjustable height rail and sent it back to him by email. I also mentioned my preference when he rang the day before coming. He kept going on about a fixed shower head. I made it clear that I wanted a movable one and sent the same picture again by email.
I think he was just hoping that I would go along with what was cheaper and easier for him.
When he did reply, he claimed that it was another plumber who installed it and this plumber was supposed to have called me to confirm.
I think he was making that up because they had already locked in work dates with confirmation and then simply didn't turn up and blamed some scheduler in the officer.
He also sent the electrician around to my place but did not bother to tell me that she was coming. At that stage, they didn't have a lock box so he ended up wasting her time because she was at my place and I was at work and she of course could not get in.
I was so close to cancelling at that stage because I just could not deal with all the flakiness. But the thought of trying to get my deposit back was even more daunting and I definitely did not need the drama.
Their actual plumbing work was good but communication with clients and suppliers was a total disaster.
I had the distinct vibe of the Curse of Knowledge. If Joe knows something, he automatically assumes that everyone else knows it too without even bothering to tell them.
I had a different company instal security doors and roller shutters. They always turned up on time and their products are excellent. I got so spoiled by their good service that it was a shock when I discovered that not everyone is like that.
When the tiler screwed up the screen door so that I could no longer open it and said that it was not his problem, I rang the security door people. The woman on the desk suggested using lubricant (which I had already tried and it did not work) She said it takes a while to have an effect. She also said to check the setting on the opener gadget. At this stage the lubricant had worked its magic and I was finally able to open the door
Sure enough, there is one setting to keep the door open, another so it closes completely. The tiler had put the gadget almost but not quite in the closed position and then just used brute force when the door would not automatically close like it is supposed to. I could actually see the frame bulging in parts. I was very lucky it didn't get permanently damaged.
Pity because the tiler did a very impressive job.
Oh God. Those adblockers. Some sites are not so nice. They simply won't let you do anything at all unless you turn the block off.
I have learned never to use Chrome for medical searches of any kind. I usually use Duck Duck Go. Ever since I started doing Duo, I noticed that my spam folder has gone from ten percent Brazilian Portuguese spam to 90 percent Spam Español.
I do not believe that this is mere coincidence.
I think it was Stalin who said that one death is a tragedy but a million deaths are mere statistics. If you ever look at charity begging letters, they have long given up on all those thousands of abused children or people starving in Ethiopia.
Now they will feature a story about one individual in an attempt to pull the reader's heart strings. It's pretty cynical but effective. The Grinch, mean bugger that he is, was a sucker for this stuff and all the flattery.