What Would Dale Carnegie Do?
21/10/2021 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
izmeina“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is almost a code word for manipulation and corny tracts for increasing sales.
But there is actually a method behind the madness. A reason why this old fashioned fuddy duddy He Man language ancient tome has survived the test of time.
The central theme of the book is about how to get what you want by giving the other party what they want. By seeing them as human and centring their desires to be respected, acknowledged and flattered as a way of getting what you want.
It is the difference between the signs “Smoking is strictly prohibited” vs “Thank you for not smoking”
And even more central to the message - if it’s honey you want, then you don’t start by kicking over the bee hive.
I gave this book to Daisy Dursley centuries ago. While she found it terribly twee and full of the most ridiculous male chauvinist assumptions and examples - it is 100 years old after all, she did recognise the validity of the central message and made it part of her MO for getting shit done.
This sort of thing comes naturally to her. Autistic creature that I am, it is far more of an effort. I am far far more likely to channel Severus Snape than Dale Carnegie.
I also shared with her stories about the Nudge Unit which she used in her husband’s business with the result that they had a string of months where all their clients paid their bills on time for several months in a row (until hubby slacked off and stopped sending the nudge bill reminders)
This very week, the power of this approach has paid off in spades.
I recently embarked on the crazy mission of getting a shower installed in the laundry since my bathroom has the shower incorporated with a bathtub which involves climbing into the tub. Not an ideal situation for getting old or post op so I bit the bullet and got a plumber to instal a shower downstairs. Which gobbled up my 2020 Amsterdam adventure stash and more besides.
If I had known it would be such a drama, I would never had bothered in the first place but things came to a head recently.
I had specified that I wanted a shower with an adjustable rail so that I could change the height but the plumber ignored my clear instructions and installed the detachable shower head with one fixed point that is so high I could barely reach it. And that’s before I shrink with age.
I was at work when they did this last Friday and was pretty peeved.
After other distractions, I finally got around to writing an email expressing my dissatisfaction with the state of affairs. But first I sent it to Daisy for approval
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with adjustable height so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also specified this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable height shower from the original quote.
I need you to fix the showerhead fittings so that I can adjust the height in order to be able to use it in its full functionality.
A taxi will be picking me up next Tuesday. It will need to park in the driveway which is presently not possible due to the pile of rubble which has been there since the middle of September.
So I would appreciate it being removed before then
Kind regards
She spotted the snark straight away and suggested some tweeks
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with an adjustable shower rail so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also mentioned this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable shower rail from the original quote.
It would be wonderful to find the adjustable shower rail installed when I return home after my operation so that I can enjoy an effortless shower.
Kind regards
So I sent the revised email this morning and got a reply from the plumber that he would come around today and fix it.
Not only did he replace the single hook with the adjustable height shower rail that I had originally requested but he also put back the washing machine which had to be removed while the renovations were in progress and also cleared away the rubble on the drive way.
What was so amusing was that I had mentioned the rubble in the original but not the revised version but he took it away anyway. (According to the scope of works, they were supposed to supply a skip on site to remove such stuff as they went along but that is another matter entirely)
So it turns out that I will have my downstairs shower ready for use post op after all.
The job is almost complete except for the shower screen which still needs to be installed.
But the one sentence that Daisy suggested has made all the difference and proved beyond all reasonable doubt that thinking “What would Dale Carnegie do? Is an excellent approach when dealing with any tricky situation involving other people.
How many writers can claim such testimonials a century after writing a book?
I sent her the pictures of the rubble free driveway, the washing machine back in its usual spot and of course the bright shiny new adjustable shower rail. She was very happy to see them and even rang to get the gossip straight from the serpent’s mouth.
.
But there is actually a method behind the madness. A reason why this old fashioned fuddy duddy He Man language ancient tome has survived the test of time.
The central theme of the book is about how to get what you want by giving the other party what they want. By seeing them as human and centring their desires to be respected, acknowledged and flattered as a way of getting what you want.
It is the difference between the signs “Smoking is strictly prohibited” vs “Thank you for not smoking”
And even more central to the message - if it’s honey you want, then you don’t start by kicking over the bee hive.
I gave this book to Daisy Dursley centuries ago. While she found it terribly twee and full of the most ridiculous male chauvinist assumptions and examples - it is 100 years old after all, she did recognise the validity of the central message and made it part of her MO for getting shit done.
This sort of thing comes naturally to her. Autistic creature that I am, it is far more of an effort. I am far far more likely to channel Severus Snape than Dale Carnegie.
I also shared with her stories about the Nudge Unit which she used in her husband’s business with the result that they had a string of months where all their clients paid their bills on time for several months in a row (until hubby slacked off and stopped sending the nudge bill reminders)
This very week, the power of this approach has paid off in spades.
I recently embarked on the crazy mission of getting a shower installed in the laundry since my bathroom has the shower incorporated with a bathtub which involves climbing into the tub. Not an ideal situation for getting old or post op so I bit the bullet and got a plumber to instal a shower downstairs. Which gobbled up my 2020 Amsterdam adventure stash and more besides.
If I had known it would be such a drama, I would never had bothered in the first place but things came to a head recently.
I had specified that I wanted a shower with an adjustable rail so that I could change the height but the plumber ignored my clear instructions and installed the detachable shower head with one fixed point that is so high I could barely reach it. And that’s before I shrink with age.
I was at work when they did this last Friday and was pretty peeved.
After other distractions, I finally got around to writing an email expressing my dissatisfaction with the state of affairs. But first I sent it to Daisy for approval
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with adjustable height so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also specified this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable height shower from the original quote.
I need you to fix the showerhead fittings so that I can adjust the height in order to be able to use it in its full functionality.
A taxi will be picking me up next Tuesday. It will need to park in the driveway which is presently not possible due to the pile of rubble which has been there since the middle of September.
So I would appreciate it being removed before then
Kind regards
She spotted the snark straight away and suggested some tweeks
Dear Joe,
I am writing concerning the shower recently installed at XXX.
At the moment I can just barely manage to reach the showerhead to take it off the hook.
Next week I have my operation scheduled and I expect I will need to use a shower chair for several weeks afterwards.
This means that I will be totally unable to reach the shower head at all. The reason I wanted a shower installed in the laundry was for accessibility and ease of use. So it defeats the purpose if I cannot reach it.
When I arranged to have the shower put in downstairs, I specified a detachable showerhead with an adjustable shower rail so that I can adapt it to my needs as I get older.
I also mentioned this when you rang on Thursday 14th October to tell me that you would be installing the showerhead the following day. I also sent an email with the picture of the adjustable shower rail from the original quote.
It would be wonderful to find the adjustable shower rail installed when I return home after my operation so that I can enjoy an effortless shower.
Kind regards
So I sent the revised email this morning and got a reply from the plumber that he would come around today and fix it.
Not only did he replace the single hook with the adjustable height shower rail that I had originally requested but he also put back the washing machine which had to be removed while the renovations were in progress and also cleared away the rubble on the drive way.
What was so amusing was that I had mentioned the rubble in the original but not the revised version but he took it away anyway. (According to the scope of works, they were supposed to supply a skip on site to remove such stuff as they went along but that is another matter entirely)
So it turns out that I will have my downstairs shower ready for use post op after all.
The job is almost complete except for the shower screen which still needs to be installed.
But the one sentence that Daisy suggested has made all the difference and proved beyond all reasonable doubt that thinking “What would Dale Carnegie do? Is an excellent approach when dealing with any tricky situation involving other people.
How many writers can claim such testimonials a century after writing a book?
I sent her the pictures of the rubble free driveway, the washing machine back in its usual spot and of course the bright shiny new adjustable shower rail. She was very happy to see them and even rang to get the gossip straight from the serpent’s mouth.
.
Vinegar vs Honey
Date: 2021-10-24 03:00 pm (UTC)This whole idea that promises are made to be broken and appointment times are mere recommendations makes life so exhausting and unpredictable.
The job was at least 6 weeks behind schedule. The office booked in the job to start on Tuesday 24th August and sent me detailed confirmation along with the small print explaining the penalties if I cancelled. But then on the day they simply did not show up. They were supposed to arrive at 7.30am but 8am came and went and then 9 and every time I rang the office I got some BS about we will get back to you.
They eventually got back to me but were just full of excuses. They had a whole week's notice to make sure staff were rostered on for the job. I felt like such an idiot because I even rang the hospital to see if I was scheduled for my op because I did not want to book and then cancel.
Turned out that the left hand did not know what the right hand was doing. In the end, they did not actually start doing the drains and stuff until 15th September but not before sending the electrician out to move the power points but without bothering to tell me.
So it took Herculean effort to keep the inner snark on a leash. In fact, the only reason I did not call the whole thing off after endless repeat performances of such nonsense was that I could not bear the drama of trying to get my $3,000 deposit back.
I figured that following my sister's strategy offered the best chance of getting what I wanted.
It seems to be a universal problem. Not just the plumbers but the nursing home - that so many work places just wing it and have no procedures to make sure that information gets passed to the right people in a timely manner.
I do hope that will not be the case at the hospital.