The Lair of the Emerald Serpent

Izzie slinks into the nasty netcafe for a quick squiggle. Today is the first day of the bright and shiny new roster at Izzie's day job. They have juggled the hours once again. For quite a while, in the afternoons we had two elves working 4-10pm, one 4-9 and the fourth 5-9 plus the 2-8 house elf who does baby sitting duties in the dining room. Now, in the interests of efficiency and fairness - this has been changed to two 3-10pm shifts with a 30 minute unpaid meal break, one 3-9 and two 5-9s. And guess who gets the pissy little 5-9 again?. Of course - it would have made more sense to have three 3-9 and two 5-10 which would be a total of 28 hours - one more than the 27 provided by this new arrangement. That would have been fairer but who gives a shit about fairness. And they seems to have so so forgotten about their past experience with having two 5-9 shifts where people so often ring in sick at the last minute or simply don't bother turning up. For folks who have to drive from up in the hills - some 15-20km away - it simply does not pay to turn up for a pissy little four hours. And get 3 or more of those in a week and you either have to do double shifts or get another job to get enough hours to live on. If they keep this shit up, they may as well put a clause on all their employment adverts requiring all applicants to be sterilized and childless with a rich husband or wife (Oh and no aged parents either)

Izzie has 3 weeks annual leave coming up on Wednesday 19th October - but for the week preceding that - ie the one starting today - got the princely sum of 21.5 hours - been given three days off this week when we normally have only two and two of them are on the higher paying Saturday and Sunday. The bitch is basically getting back at the Izzie for saying no to those night shifts.
Had to resort to using up 40 hours of annual leave on the pay just gone because dearest Dolores is on a power trip and is getting so pissed off with people who don't ask "How high" when she tells them to jump. Anyone - who refuses to do a night shift gets crossed off for those shifts and gets no replacement hours - ie let's starve the bastards into submission.

So - it will be interesting to see if she is so so petty and spiteful that she tells the folks doing the payrolls not to pay out those 40 hours of holiday pay. Today is payday and will get to see on the payslips just exactly what has happened.
So so hard to know what to do. Do you stand up and fight a losing battle with the bitch or get the message and just piss off and leave like the rest of the elves? The latest one has left because her hours got slashed to a ridiculous 7 four hour shifts in the fortnight with only one weekend day among them. The boss refused to give her more hours and basically said that if you don't like it you can always leave and that is exactly what Annette has done. Izzie is so so upset because Annette - like Makende who left two weeks before that - is a decent friendly hard working elf who both does her fair share and is nice to the residents and the other elves. And she also speaks English which is becoming less and less common lately.
As the Izzie status is part-time, we really need to find out if there is a minimum number of hours that we are entitled to per week and if there is - more importantly - how to be able make the bitch give them to us.
The hairy scary thing is - this is all happening before the introduction of the Insidious Rodent's brave new Industrial relations reform which he so tweely calls Work Choice (all those smiling happy little families of house elves - makes Izzie want to puke. For God's sake - folks are finding it hard to have time for their families with present working arrangements - let alone this new law of the jungle)
Getting extra pay for weekends, evenings, nights or public holidays will soon become a thing of the past under this new lean and very mean agenda. It struck Iz as very strange that they pegged the standard working week at 38 hours. Most peculiar thinks Iz. Was half expecting 60 hours from this guttersnipe. It seems too good to be true. He must be up to something. But at the same time wondering what it means in reality if there is to be no longer any extra payment for hours longer than those 38. Needless to say - the devil is in the detail. This 38 hour weeks is to be averaged out over an entire year! So, in theory, you could get your house elves to work 76 hours a week for 23 weeks in a row - even without overtime rates, the taxes on such earnings would be horrendous and then nothing for the rest of the year with the resulting lack of income. All this would be perfectly legal. Of course - an employer would have to be pretty stupid to try it because it would be hard to get folks willing to work under such conditions. But there are always those whose standards of behaviour are not guided by commonsense or decency but the limits of the law.

And making house elf labour cheaper and tenure more precarious and removing the right to sue for unfair dismissal for workplaces with less than 100 employees - is hardly conducive to increasing productivity or safety standards. After all - one does not need to actually do it - but to let it be hinted that you could be sacked for insisting on following proper safety precautions is enough to scare most elves into submission. And Izzie refusing to do night shift would certainly have been sufficient grounds for dismissal
Yessss. The likes of Dolores will be elevated to the status of National Treasure and will soon be given the green light to go all the way in their attempts to stamp out any smidgeon of their house elves' right to a life outside of working hours.

After Izzie's recent recovery from a rather nasty attack by Dementors, been able to turn up to work and do our elvish duties with the detached indifference required to maintain sanity.
While adopting some of Kreacher's delightful habits in our campaign against the Bitch - the Izzie policy is to be as helpful as possible and to do little extra things for fellow elves but do nothing as a favor for the old bat. So while we are quite happy to swap shifts with other elves if they need a time off for some particular reason, any requests to work double shifts or to stay until 4pm because some one has rung in sick or whatever is met with a flat refusal.(When some one with a long shift calls in sick, they try get some staff member to stay longer and give the agencies the short shifts because agencies are much more expensive) And this from a critter who back in March actually volunteered to postpone one week's holiday because we were very short staffed. Teresa (the boss we had for 3 very short but wonderful months) had the decency to notice and to thank the Izzie for it but it was no big deal - being just one of the many of the little acts of goodwill that we were happy to provide.

Even on the occasions that we did not volunteer, the Iz would nearly always say yes to stay longer or to work on one of our regular days off if asked. But that all changed in April.
Dolores does things like take shifts off some elves once the roster has come out. Did that to a girl the other week - took both her Friday evenings and gave them to some one else who did not turn up one week and walked out the next one. And guess who they rang both Friday evenings when they realized they were going to be one elf short? She couldn't believe that had the audacity to do such a thing and said no on both occasions.

So today, two days in a row half of the morning staff are agencies as well as the two new Chinese elves who can hardly speak English and who are here on some sort of exchange scheme which involves them working through some agency and getting paid peanuts. So they are getting dumped with lots of double shifts - like 7-11 and then 2-8pm and are not getting their four days off per fortnight.

Izzie was rostered on 7-4pm today and it wasn't too bad at all except for the fact that Dolores and Penguin and the rest of her inner circle were present and seemed to be scheming more than usual.
It was only when Sandra who started at 2pm asked if we had seen the latest memo that the Izzie ears pricked up. Oh a new one? Haven't had one of those for a long time - last one was back in May when she announced that a nursing home with 66 beds (15 in the new building are still not yet filled) did not need laundry or cleaning done on weekends and these were to be immediately discontinued. There was certainly no new ones at lunch time and Sandra is not the sort of elf who makes up stuff.

So, Makende and Izzie potter off down to the staff room for a peek around 3pm. There it is spellotaped to the table and pinned to the wall in all its evil green glowing glory
A lime green fluorescent A4 page - Izzie does not have the exact words - will get ourselves a copy on tomorrow's evening shift

DUE TO STAFF SHORTAGES, IT IS NECESSARY TO ROSTER STAFF MEMBERS FOR SOME NIGHT SHIFTS OVER THE NEXT TIME PERIOD. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BALANCE POSTIVE ACHIEVEMENT OUTCOMES, RESIDENTS' NEEDS, MANAGEMENT OBJECTIVES CONSULTATION WITH INDUSTRY PROVIDERS AND OTHER BUZZWORD BULLSHIT
THANKING YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION
MANAGEMENT

Yesssss. The whole thing was written in bold CAPITALS, size 16 font - and don't tell the Izzie that these idiots don't know the rudimentary basics of netiquette - it's not online but in any context such use of capitals can be seen as screaming and shouting - oh and Iz just LOVES the 'thanking you for your cooperation' bit
Co-operation??? - this thing has just come out of nowhere with no hint of consultation
Any normal boss would first ask for volunteers to do night shifts before resorting to conscription - (in most nursing homes folks who do night shifts do those only and no day or afternoon shifts at all) and of course - never once accepts the reason for these shortages is that she keeps sacking the night staff - the latest after only 3 days - or pissing them off so that they resign of their own accord.

Oh boy. There'll be a much much bigger staff shortage by the time the evening elves have all gotten to read this particular Managerial Decree.
So, Izzie was hoping to get the reaction from the 3 elves starting at 4pm to this little act of diplomacy but unfortunately Dolores and her minions were sitting outside smirking and smoking - probably amused at the consternation they were causing.
But we did get to peek at the roster - the issue we were discussing being whether or not they would be making changes to the roster starting tomorrow which has already been up for two weeks or so. No they hadn't but they did have the following one (28 Sept to 11 Oct) hidden in the back of the folder. The Iz took a peek. The first four shifts 28 Sept to 1 Oct, the Iz had been given night shift - four damned nights in a row. Makende got dumped with 3 and another elf who Dolores hates and is always bullying got dumped with 3 also. Others got filled by two day staff who had already indicated that they were available for nights.
And of course - La Diosa and La Diabla - the terrible twins who are unofficially running the place and already commandeer the cream of the crop (all the 8 hour weekend shifts - all weekends and both days which pay much higher rates than Monday to Friday) - how many night shifts did they get? Not a single solitary minute between them.
Now if this is not provocation, we don't know what is. Like do they care that some of these elves have families and young children? Izzie doesn't have such commitments but that is still not the point. The issue is that they are nasty noxious arrogant nazi filth so drunk on power that they insist on treating other human beings as objects to be used in whatever way they see fit. Stupid shit kicking elves too dumb to be worthy of any respect.
So, subject to finding out from the union if this sort of thing is legal, the Iz has to decide if we are going to have a show down and if so - what are our options. They know it is a bit harder to sack folks who have been around a bit longer than 3 months but they can always do things like suddenly giving you ten four hours shifts per fortnight in order to starve you out.
Like -even if the Izzie just loved night shifts - that is not the point - it is the fact that they are getting more blatant with their utter contempt for the elves and feel no need at all to consult with us as if we exist only to fulfil their miserable management needs. And this is before the infamous October IR laws get tabled in Parliament.

So - it's just over two weeks to D-Day where Izzie has to decide if she will give in and do those night shifts or say No - we are not doing them and prepare to face the possible consequences. Or of course - we could stop being lazy and procrastinating and get out looking for a Goblin job.
Dolores and Izzie have hated each other's guts for a long long time - and since the funeral of our favorite hobbit last year - this had turned to pure and utter loathing. So putting Izzie on night shift may be just the provocation she is seeking.
Izzie is so so seeking advice for the coming showdown with the Beast

Today was so so unlike yesterday. No crisp cold sunny day. Just wet and miserable. It was so so tempting to curl up all day in our serpent basket. But it's a day off and we don't want to waste it. Lately the Izzie has taken to bringing the Preciousss to Angel's Cafe on Thursdays in order to get our fix of Radio National podcasts and other downloads. But since the pissy new short shifts start today and the Izzie has ended up with a 7am to 11am on Saturday, makes more sense to go then and we can also pop by the markets which are only open weekends to pick up our weekly fix of bunches of basil leaves.

But Izzie also had other motives. There's a little Italian deli enroute that sells the most scrumplicious parmesan cheese for only $$13 per kilo. If you buy half a wheel (around 4-5kg) then you get the reduced price of $$10. This stuff is actually not from Italy but Middle Earth (Known to muggles as New Zealand) and is just as good if not better than the ridiculously expensive Gran Padano.

Our last 4 kilo stash has finally run out and we figures that since we will not be hill climbing or hiking, that it would be a perfect opportunity to pop by on the way to St Brutus. Problem was, silly Izzie forgot to grab some gold galleons from the goblin machines at the bank yesterday. These Italian folks do cash only so we need to get the loot enroute.
So the Iz popped into some crappy little supermarket and bought a few things. Got to the counter, pulled out the plastic fantastic and requested a total of $$40 including groceries. Typed in our PIN and the usual. The check out chap said that our transaction was declined. Izzie was just flabbergasted. What the fuck. Our pay arrives around 7pm every second Wednesday. Well. At least it is supposed to. Never once entered the Izzie's ickle green skull that it wouldn't be there. Lucky we did have the cash but that was not the point. We had made this deviation especially for the purpose of getting our cheese money and now we would not be getting any at all. Bastards.

So got the bus straight into Freo without detours and checked once again at about 12.30pm. After all – the bus ticket was still valid until 1.30pm so there was still a chance to go there and back again.

Still nothing there so we decided to potter off to St Brutus as was our original plan after getting our cheese. On the way, had the sudden realization, what happens if our loot is still not there this evening? The Thursday following pay day is when the house goblins deduct their mortgage payments. If there is no loot in the vault, the bank charges an outrageous $$30 dishonour fee. But because Izzie's loan is split, there's two payment which means of course – two lots of dishonour fees. It's bad enough getting paid house elf wage rates but not even getting them is even worse. As if Izzie is so stinking rich that she can just toss away 6 hours of her life working to pay goblin bank fees. And this from a bunch of scumbags who have just brought in a whole bunch of pissy little four hour shifts so that it gets even harder to get enough hours to live on per week.
Izzie was most murderous. Memories of May 1995 when we once received a notification from the bank to inform us that we had been charged a bouncy bouncy fee of nine silver sickles because our wages cheque had bounced!!! Talk about adding insult to injury. Where is the justice in that – your employer screws you by having no money to back their wages cheques and then the bank shits on you for your employer's scrooginess?

At 4pm, there was still a chance to potter off to snatch our parmesan before the deli closed at 5pm but there was still only 27 silver sickles in the Izzie vault. By this stage, the Izzie was murderous. Filthy thieving goblin scum. Will be sending those bastards our bank fee bill. Let them pay. No doubt Dolores would snarkily say that we should learn to live within our means and have a nest egg available for just such occasions.

By 6pm, the loot was finally there. But it was only 300 gold galleons. So obviously, the mortgage payments had already been deducted but we have the sneaking suspicion that the bank goblins may have grabbed their 60 as well. Tomorrow, will need to go during bank hours to check and if they havc, will be straight off to the union to ask where we legally stand with demanding that those scumbags pay those bank fees. They have pushed the Izzie just too far this time. We wants blood. And we haven't even got to posting about Dolore's latest efforts in pissing off the house elves. Wonder how many more have resigned since Tuesday.


The big fat juicy moonrise from yesterday managed to make its way onto the front page of the newspaper. It was pretty but did not seem that much bigger than usual. Unfortunately, it was cloudy this evening so we did not get to see it rise again from a less hilly location.
At least, watching the moon and stars puts all Izzie's mundane muggle worries in perspective. Human beings are such pathetic puny insignificant creatures.

Izzie slinks into Cyberia after a long day lurking around and doing not much at all. Was not amused to get Friday and Saturday off this week from our house elf job instead of the usual Thursday and Friday. It was a wet and miserable day on Thursday and today it was rather sunny but the problem is that a six hour shift on Saturday is worth not six but NINE hours and that's 40 silver sickles that the Izzie cannot really afford to miss out on. It will be such fun on the new roster starting on Wednesday when there's 3 of those stupid pissy four hour shifts to be filled every day. The chances of being dumped with them will increase dramatically – especially since the Izzie was so outspoken at the recent discussion about them. Already got a 7-11 next Saturday. Will be nice to potter off to St Brutus for the afternoon reading “Order of the Phoenix” but it won't be so nice on payday when we will get 6 hours pay for that Saturday rather than the 9 it would have been if we had worked the usual 6 hour shift.

Apparently, it will be fine and sunny weather for our mid-winter solstice-full moon picnic party. That is a stroke of luck after weeks of wet and rain. So so happy to have been able to get that day off. Would have been most peeved indeed to miss out for the sake of some stupid four hour shift like 2-6pm which ruins your day but is not worth the pissy little pay.

Went to Fremantle. First stop was the Angel's Waffle cafe to get our weekly fix of podcast downloads. Did it once with dial up. Never ever again. More than one hour for a 25mb download. As is – snatched much much less programs than we would have liked – due to such limited access to decent download speeds. Would have liked to add the Science Show and All in the Mind to our list of programs.

Went to the markets to get our weekly ration of green goodness. Izzie suspects that they must feed some dodgy substances to their plantseses as Izzie gets withdrawal symptoms if she does not get her weekly supply of basil leaves.
After that, it was off to St Brutus to finally finish the last two chapters of Chamber of Secrets. Had intended to finish it last Sunday sitting under a tree in our favorite historical graveyard. But it rained all day so that was not really an option.
Was over at the Lair on Friday and picked up “Order of the Phoenix” which we intend to start reading again on Wednesday. One last chance to read it without 20/20 hindsight and to go looking for more clues.

The Izzie has been most irritable and cranky since Wednesday at work. Seemed to calm down today finally while reading those last two chapters. So so many memories and that useful and timely reminder “It's our choices that show who what we truly are, far more than our abilities”
Once again, it seems that rational thinking and feeling have gone off on their own merry ways with the attendant problems that this brings. For a long time they had been working together which had a dramatic effect on the Izzie's state of mental health.

This is not 2001 or 1990 which were the two main times when Izzie was in such a tizzie – being neurotic, claustrophobic, panic attacks and all that. Dolores does not have the power that the bitch Heil Hilde of Hamburg once had as this job does not come with a flat that you have to leave when you give up the job and it is certainly not an issue of life or death. Not at all. But tell that to the stupid reptilian instictive part of the Izzie brain that seems to have gone on Constant Vigilance – Red Alert mode.

Firstly, we now have our Goblin Degree and it is only laziness, procrastination and inertia that is stopping us from taking advantage of it, unlike most of the other house elves who have no job prospects in any other area.
Secondly, even if our hours drop dramatically, we can still get by on about 28 hours a week due to our low maintenance life style. Not having a car and living around the corner makes a massive difference to the income we need to get by on – as well as not having expensive tastes.
Lastly, the place has become so damn toxic since the return of Dolores on 20th April that we would be doing ourselves a favour getting out.

Dolores may not know it but she ought to be very careful. She may not think it but she needs us more than we need her. Izzie is at a disadvantage not having a car but most elves have the option of working with agencies if they do not get the hours they need. Soon another 24 residents will be arriving and if she pisses off too many elves in the next few weeks, she just may find herself with no one left to do the work and enormous bills for filling the gaps with agencies and the owner would be most peeved indeed.
Already, at least five nurse elves and one laundry elf are just about ready to put a sock in it and tell her where to stick her $%^& job.

But most importantly of all, there is nothing so empowering in a job as not being afraid of losing it. Bosses can smell fear and if they know you are weak or desperate, they will walk all over you. Funny – it's when you have other options, you can call the shots – act as if you are in charge, not put up with shit and as often as not, then they will be the ones bending over backwards to keep you happy.

Izzie knows all this stuff and much of it from bitter experience but do you think she can get that damned reptilian brain to listen and turn off the panic buttons? Maybe it is intuition and instict saying – we will make life hell for you until you get the hell out of there.