The Lair of the Emerald Serpent

So the first week of work is over after the last few weeks of serpent craziness. Had a reasonably good day followed by a coffee crawl and a visit to the local shops to get some milk and kitty litter and a fix of evil green pesto.
The serpent avoids the local shops like the plague. They are creepy and soulless. There will soon be an IGA added to the offerings along with an enormous two storey car park. Still waiting for a half decent cafe in the place. Gloria Jeans does not count as a proper coffee shop.

It was tempting fate to darken the door of that place as far too often a good mood has dramatically transformed into a bad one on darkening its doors. These things then rapidly become self fulfilling prophecies in a Pavlov's dog kind of way we suppose

Got back to the Lair just after 4 with the grand plans of getting started on some serious gardening. There's bouganvilleas to be pruned, dragon fruit cacti to be planted and a whole pile of the cutest little baby banksias and wattles to be planted. But most important is the kitty litter. It's the stuff that cheapskates like Izzie use to improve the water holding capacity of the seriously sad sands here that masquerade as soil.

But that was before taking a sniff in the letter box. What a silly idea that was. A nasty white envelope with a window and an obscene word beginning with S. Oh yessss hisses the Izzie. The useless losers left a note in the mailbox last Thursday to say that they could not read the electricity meter as the gate was locked so they will be doing an estimate.
That should be rather amusing thinks the serpent especially after the last one. The gate was most definitely not locked two months ago but they some how managed to read perfectly well the bit of the meter referring to electricity used but left a big fat zero for juice produced and added a little note to say it was estimated.
How very convenient. Now the new laws state that they've got to pay out on any accounts with over 50$ in credit at the end of the financial year, it was of course in their interest to stretch out the numbers for as long as possible. So that was an extra forty or so silver sickles they got to keep in their pockets

But it gets better. This bill that truly was 100% estimated - once again they used the old reading they had from late May and left the juice produced at zero but they did not follow the same procedure on their side of the ledger. They came up with the ridiculous claim of some 500 or so units used and a grand total of $146 owed to them. Filthy thieving little cheats. Some damned sneaky way that is of getting back the $100 cheque that the new rules forced them to mail out last month.
The serpent got on the phone straight away and made a point about this ridiculous double standard with estimation. Izzie says that we could give her the correct reading from the day the meter people came and could not get in but she said that would not be possible as they are not allowed to take meter readings over the phone.
There were only two options - pay $20 to have them come out and read the meter again and adjust the bill or to simply pay it and then they will adjust it for next time.
Nice little earner that one is. They can stuff up all they like but it is the customer left holding the can.

She kept trying to make out that it was all Izzie's fault for having the locked gate. Could not seem to get it across that it is not the fact that they had to do an estimate that was the problem but the completely illogical and inconsistent ways of doing this and especially the refusal to accept an actual reading
Said a definite no to the second option as firstly we would have to wait a whole year to get the money back as cold hard cash, secondly we do not have a spare $140 just lying around for paying electricity bills as the whole point of having solar panels is not to be paying for electricity any more. But the main complaint is that we have produced 200 units in the last four months and not been paid a cent for them and have been charged for 480 units that we did not even use.

Apparently there is some option where you can become a so called 'self reader' and they then come out only once a year to verify that you are not cheating. But they will still have to come out to do the initial reading and will charge $20 or so for the privilege.

The ma and pa delight in telling Izzie all the sob stories on various news and current affairs shows about folks with Smart meters and smartpower getting landed with enormous bills.
It seems far too many folks just take Synergy's statements as 'gospel truth'. Apparently this meter estimation trick is becoming increasingly common. Guessing that the meter readers are getting sub sub sub contracted out and each layer wants their cut with the work load on the meter readers reaching such ridiculous levels that they are resorting to cheating.
Been keeping independent records ever since the day the panels got switched on. Just as well. The most entertaining bill ever was the one where they claimed the solar panels had generated some 260 kilowatts off peak. Aside from the completely insignificant and irrelevant fact that they used to pay producers around 10 cents per unit off peak but 35 cents at peak rates, what so amused the serpent was to think that these panels are so damned powerful that they can turn sunshine into juice between the hours of 9pm and 7am.
(Now the feed in tariff is a flat rate ranging from 47 cents per unit if you got in before the end of June this year to a pissy paltry 7 cents for anyone after then)
In those days they did let you ring in the correct readings. But even if you don't make your own, everyone in Dursleyville should keep regular records of their meter readings because Synergy are a slimy sneaking bunch of thieving goblins who will shaft you at every chance they get.

So Izzie's gotten all side tracked from the rest of the evil green adventures. The whole point of last week's holiday's which got half ruined by that flu was to be able to go to the Sustainability Street festival in Fremantle on the weekend. Aside from the fact that the place was infested with squawking squealing rug rats for most of the day, it was still most magical and amazing and an absolute inspiration to get out there in the garden and do quirky green stuff.
It sure helps living on a cul de sac which means that growing herbs and vegies on the verges and streets is quite doable as you don't have the worry of all that petrol head pollution.
It was also very noticeable that this old street puts cars where they belong - down the lane at the back of the house and out of the way. Most of the new McMansions with their double garages forming an integral part of the main structure of the house (with some planning codes making this a condition of planning approval) look like they were built for the cars to live in and the humans were a mere afterthought. They are literally the servants of these big tin beasts.
There were so many birds, so many trees and everything blooming and gorgeous. But it was the lo tech resourcefulness and sense of fun and joy that was particularly inspiring. You don't need a money tree to be green, whatever Josh Byrne might like to claim.

Now Izzie too wants her own pedal powered grain grinder. At least the string bean awnings are a bit more doable. They consist of twine on the eastern side of one of the houses. It runs from near the gutters to the garden at a 60 degree to the ground. You plant your runner beans or sweet peas or other rampant growing thing and it entwines itself along the string and there you've got solar powered awnings that you can eat.

Looking forward to making the most of this gorgeous mild spring and getting lots of stuff growing so we can have a little oasis of insanity in McMansion land

Been a long long day. Was up around 5.30 in the morning in order to be ready in time for our usual Friday morning meeting. It was a cold and frosty morning and most tempting indeed to remain coiled up in the serpent basket. But there was the minor problem of being rostered on to chair the meeting - so not really a respectable option if we don't want to be seen as an unreliable fickle flaky fruitcake.

Not that long ago, the prospect of even speaking at a meeting would have the Izzie in goosebumps and queazy for a week - and now we hardly bat an eyelid. So so true that practice makes perfect.
Did wear the special pink cardigan reserved for such occasions but in spite of that - was a nice chairserpent.

One of the creature features called the Pertinent Question is where one person presents both sides of an issue and then the chairperson randomly calls people to answer.
When the critic was commenting on this section of the meeting, she mentioned the trick much beloved of politicians to answer the question that they wanted rather than the one that was actually asked (Iz has been accused of this on more than one occasion)
So so had a fit of the giggles at this. Could not help but think of yesterday pottering on the docks in the sunshine watching the sailing ship Gotheborg depart - 6 cannon salute and all while listening to Question Time on Reichstag Radio

The Rat who had been on a whirlwind world tour hobnobbing and brown nosing with his creepy friends in Washington and Texas and then inflicting the poor Canadians with his verminous presence had cut his trip short to be back in time for Thursday's Question Time. Iz suspects that the real reason is the lack of respect and royal welcome for his Royal Rattiness in the land of Emerald Serpents.

He was in Dublin and not only were his speaking venues poky and almost empty but around a quarter of the local TDs (Members of Parliament) boycotted his speech to the Irish Parliament. Not used to that sort of abuse is our beloved Rat.
It's not just the business of his support for the 2003 invasion of Iraq that had them up in arms but also his rather draconian Serf Choices industrial relations laws which came into effect just over two months ago.

The latest twist in this nasty saga is the sad story of Spotlight - a rather cheap and nasty retail store that sells fabric and crafts sort of stuff. New employees are being offered a basic rate of $$14.30 - two brass knuts more than the present $$14.28 but in return for this enormous increase in the basic wage, they would no longer receive higher hourly rates for evenings, weekends or public holidays and would no longer be entitled to any tea breaks. You don't sign you don't get the job. Simple really.

At Question Time - there was at least three questions on this very company directed at the Prime Mendacious. The first concerned a letter received by a Labour MP from one of these workers - a 57 year old claiming to be a life long Liberal voter who is now facing a loss of around $$90 a week under these new arrangements and feeling most mightily miffed and betrayed.

We will never know if she is real or not but the Rat's answer was a classic - basically along the lines that the new workplace reforms will create a stronger healthier economy and more jobs. Oh what a weasel.

Second attempt - when it was brought to his attention that the new rules at Spotlight fulfilled the so called minimum conditions of the new laws - of which there are only five - but totally excluded anything else including bonuses or extra pay for evenings or weekends - he said any previous conditions under the old system remained by default unless specifically excluded - never mind that the new contract did state specifically that the old conditions were null and void and he damned well knew it. He also adds later that if she (the aforementioned 57 year old) is not happy she can appeal to the new so called Fair Pay Commission (which he has stacked with a plague of his ratty friends)

Then we get to hear about high unemployment rates and low increases in real wages when Labour was in government and the immortal line "My guarantee is my record"


Another Labour MP tossed at the Rat - a quote that he had made back in August that if a worker loses public holidays under the new laws that they must be adequately compensated for such trade offs.
(Izzie remembers that the Rat had said on countless occasions that public holidays would still be safe)
Oh we had to give him big bad brownie points for this one - almost sneaking admiration. He declares that so many people state that he has said such and such about this and that, that it would be most unwise to assume that they have quoted him correctly and therefore has a policy of never answering such questions unless a transcript of his alleged words of wisdom is provided by the questioner. (Not to mention the sneaky trick of insulting her character and questioning her integrity while pretending to be ever so nice and reasonable)
Oh yesss. The evil genius of it all.
So far - 3 questions and no straight answers. But it gets better

A specific question about Spotlight workers no longer being entitled to toilet breaks or tea breaks after four hours at work - whether or not he thought this was fair turned into a warbling rant about waterfront reform, the 1996 workplace reforms which were supposed to bring the sky falling down and civil war on the city streets - but they didn't so there is no reason to believe the Opposition this time either (never mind that in 1996 the Rat did not have a majority in the Senate so the 1996 laws were a well and truly watered down version of the original)

Silly bugger forgot to repeat his other favorite mantra "The best form of welfare is a job" Left that one for his Minister of House Elf Relations we guess.

Yesss. One day we may live to see the momentous occasion that this snivelling grub actually answers the question that he is ASKED rather than the one that he wants to hear.

Izzie really was innocent and naive enough to believe that most of the more evil sorts of employers would hold off until at least after the 2007 election and that the sky would not fall in but rather there would be a slow corrosion of living standards and conditions. Never would have imagined that it would have taken less then 6 months (in some cases - one WEEK) to bring it on.

But he may have just this once bitten off more than he can chew. Scare tactics worked the last two times - 2001 - the invasion of hordes of baby eating illegal aliens from outer space and 2004 - the interest rates scare. Play on fear and the back pocket and the suckers will fall for it every time. But if your personal pay packet falls by $$90 per week while petrol is going up and housing is increasingly unaffordable - then a so called strong and healthy economy is bugger all consolation. And how can it be healthy when a lot more people will have a lot less disposable income and a lot more insecurity?

Well, at least the Irish and Canadians can see the Rat for the revolting veritably vile vermin that he truly is. Izzie was so so hoping that he would have taken a peek in Paris. There they would have dumped him in the Bastille and dusted off the Guillotine.

And that's this insidious Serpent's seditious hissings for the day.
(Slinks off to snatch the actual transcript of wicked weasliness)

Izzie slinks into Cyberia after a long day lurking around and doing not much at all. Was not amused to get Friday and Saturday off this week from our house elf job instead of the usual Thursday and Friday. It was a wet and miserable day on Thursday and today it was rather sunny but the problem is that a six hour shift on Saturday is worth not six but NINE hours and that's 40 silver sickles that the Izzie cannot really afford to miss out on. It will be such fun on the new roster starting on Wednesday when there's 3 of those stupid pissy four hour shifts to be filled every day. The chances of being dumped with them will increase dramatically – especially since the Izzie was so outspoken at the recent discussion about them. Already got a 7-11 next Saturday. Will be nice to potter off to St Brutus for the afternoon reading “Order of the Phoenix” but it won't be so nice on payday when we will get 6 hours pay for that Saturday rather than the 9 it would have been if we had worked the usual 6 hour shift.

Apparently, it will be fine and sunny weather for our mid-winter solstice-full moon picnic party. That is a stroke of luck after weeks of wet and rain. So so happy to have been able to get that day off. Would have been most peeved indeed to miss out for the sake of some stupid four hour shift like 2-6pm which ruins your day but is not worth the pissy little pay.

Went to Fremantle. First stop was the Angel's Waffle cafe to get our weekly fix of podcast downloads. Did it once with dial up. Never ever again. More than one hour for a 25mb download. As is – snatched much much less programs than we would have liked – due to such limited access to decent download speeds. Would have liked to add the Science Show and All in the Mind to our list of programs.

Went to the markets to get our weekly ration of green goodness. Izzie suspects that they must feed some dodgy substances to their plantseses as Izzie gets withdrawal symptoms if she does not get her weekly supply of basil leaves.
After that, it was off to St Brutus to finally finish the last two chapters of Chamber of Secrets. Had intended to finish it last Sunday sitting under a tree in our favorite historical graveyard. But it rained all day so that was not really an option.
Was over at the Lair on Friday and picked up “Order of the Phoenix” which we intend to start reading again on Wednesday. One last chance to read it without 20/20 hindsight and to go looking for more clues.

The Izzie has been most irritable and cranky since Wednesday at work. Seemed to calm down today finally while reading those last two chapters. So so many memories and that useful and timely reminder “It's our choices that show who what we truly are, far more than our abilities”
Once again, it seems that rational thinking and feeling have gone off on their own merry ways with the attendant problems that this brings. For a long time they had been working together which had a dramatic effect on the Izzie's state of mental health.

This is not 2001 or 1990 which were the two main times when Izzie was in such a tizzie – being neurotic, claustrophobic, panic attacks and all that. Dolores does not have the power that the bitch Heil Hilde of Hamburg once had as this job does not come with a flat that you have to leave when you give up the job and it is certainly not an issue of life or death. Not at all. But tell that to the stupid reptilian instictive part of the Izzie brain that seems to have gone on Constant Vigilance – Red Alert mode.

Firstly, we now have our Goblin Degree and it is only laziness, procrastination and inertia that is stopping us from taking advantage of it, unlike most of the other house elves who have no job prospects in any other area.
Secondly, even if our hours drop dramatically, we can still get by on about 28 hours a week due to our low maintenance life style. Not having a car and living around the corner makes a massive difference to the income we need to get by on – as well as not having expensive tastes.
Lastly, the place has become so damn toxic since the return of Dolores on 20th April that we would be doing ourselves a favour getting out.

Dolores may not know it but she ought to be very careful. She may not think it but she needs us more than we need her. Izzie is at a disadvantage not having a car but most elves have the option of working with agencies if they do not get the hours they need. Soon another 24 residents will be arriving and if she pisses off too many elves in the next few weeks, she just may find herself with no one left to do the work and enormous bills for filling the gaps with agencies and the owner would be most peeved indeed.
Already, at least five nurse elves and one laundry elf are just about ready to put a sock in it and tell her where to stick her $%^& job.

But most importantly of all, there is nothing so empowering in a job as not being afraid of losing it. Bosses can smell fear and if they know you are weak or desperate, they will walk all over you. Funny – it's when you have other options, you can call the shots – act as if you are in charge, not put up with shit and as often as not, then they will be the ones bending over backwards to keep you happy.

Izzie knows all this stuff and much of it from bitter experience but do you think she can get that damned reptilian brain to listen and turn off the panic buttons? Maybe it is intuition and instict saying – we will make life hell for you until you get the hell out of there.